How Long Do You Want to Live?

Photo by Unknown One thing centenarians have in common is being active in community and family. Here is Suna being active with her Master Naturalist community in the days before COVID-19.

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune on 2020-06-04 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-06-04

You live and you die

And I’ll probably throw it away

But in the end it’s mine

And nobody has a right to say

“Go down lightly”

“Go down silently”

I’ll go down screaming

“Give it back! It belongs to me”

—Janice Ian

Barring the Zombie Apocalypse or the actual apocalypse, how long do you want to hang around on this planet consuming oxygen? Have you given your lifespan much thought? I have. I’ve thought about it a lot more on the north side of sixty than I did when I was younger—and even more since the onset of COVID-19.

When I ask people about this (I actually do; I’m like that.), their answers generally fall into one of a few buckets.

Young adults tend to look at me like I’ve suddenly sprouted a wasp from my forehead. They haven’t given the question much, if any, thought. And who could blame them? When I was their age, I just assumed I’d live forever. (I’m still on track for that, by the way.) I still believed I was ten feet tall and bullet-proof.

A few people say, “As long as I can,” a comfortably meaningless phrase. It gives the appearance of answering without commitment or much thought.

The most common response is something like, “as long as I can still do what I want” or “as long as I can be independent.” This answer implies good health, something none of us can guarantee. Most of us never want to become a burden on society or our families. Once you’ve been a parent, letting go of taking care of your kids is hard. And the thought of them taking care of you is horrifying. That horror is led my partners and me to form Hearts Homes and Hands, a state-regulated personal assistance service dedicated to helping people maintain their independence through age, injury, and infirmity. I am already a clients.

I think that fear of dependency is why many elders say something like, “I’m ready to go Home.” Dad used to say, “I’m ready to see your mother again.”

But we’re not really in control of all that. Julius Caesar had a slave whose only job was to whisper in his ear, “You could die today.” As could any of us. But we could also outlive our bodies or, more frightening to me, our minds. We need to plan for both possibilities.

Dad used to tell me, “Plan to live forever and know you won’t.”

Dad used to tell me, “Plan to live forever and know you won’t.” That’s really good advice. More Americans are now over 100 years old than ever before. We’ve even had to invent a new word, “supercentenarians,” for people who are more than 110. One study found that centarians and supercentarians have three common traits, all of which we can start working on today, regardless of age.

First, they are involved with their families and communities. We can all keep up with the kids and grandkids through social media and writing letters, even if we can’t get out. Church is another source of community support, especially if we give support to others before we need it ourselves. Pets also help us build deep ties and reasons to keep going. Someone has got to take care of Fluffy.

Second, they all keep busy. One woman still ran her family ranch at 104. Dad planted corn at 92 while he was dying of cancer. The only thing that worried him when he was in the hospital was how well his crop had done. I know several people who still go into the office every day well into their seventies and eighties. One of my first bosses started a new company when he was 84.

The third commonality is that they want to be alive. The first two traits give them reasons to keep going, but the drive to live is something deeper. It is a passion for life. As singer-songwriter Janis Ian put it, “I’ll go out screaming, ‘It’s mine! Give it back to me!’” I really admire the fight in that answer.

Bored? Some Folks Will Always Be Homebound

Photo by Postmaster / Shutterstock I think Marcus Aurelius once said, “We choose to participate in the rave.”

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune on 2020-05-21 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-05-21.

Me and Loretta, we don’t talk much more

She sits and stares through the back-door screen

And all the news just repeats itself

Like some forgotten dream that we’ve both seen

—John Prine

You see them more and more on the evening news: people out en masse, partying in crowded, recently opened (or illegally opened) bars. Some have just come from rallies where they gathered around Patrick Henry’s immortal soundbite, “Give me Liberty, or give me Death!” You can almost hear the excess capitalization as they ignore the fact that Liberty and Death are not mutually exclusive. In a pandemic, they can be correlative, if not causative.

But I understand where they’re coming from. Boredom. At least, that’s what most seem to say on camera. “I’ve just got to get out of the house!” One day blurs into the next, giving us the new word “Blursday.” A meme shows a generic calendar with each column headed by the same word. “Day.”

Our brains thrive on novelty. The first bite of our favorite foods can cause our eyelids to flutter shut and our eyes to roll back in transient ecstasy. A month later, you’ll remember that first bite, but you won’t remember the ninth or tenth by the end of the meal.

Photo by EVZ / Shutterstock Nanci Griffith once sang about being a clock without hands. She was more right than metaphorical. Our brains measure time in very long increments and tiny ones. And those measurements don’t really relate to each other.

Savoring that first bite can seem to take as long as the rest of the meal. That’s because our brains have many clocks to keep track of time. None of these brain clocks have hour hands. They measure time in fractions of a day or fractions of a second. There’s nothing really in between.

We experience that first bite in what neurologists call “prospective time.” While we’re looking forward to it and experiencing it, our brains measure time in fractions of a second. But the rest of the meal doesn’t get as much attention as that first bite. Rather than form new memories of each bite, our brains overwrite the same memory pattern over and over again. We don’t experience eating the rest of the meal so much as remember it later in “retrospective time.”

The same thing happens all the time. We experience new things in prospective time, but repetitive actions blur into retrospective time. We tend to live in prospective time where the length a pause in conversation can have real meaning. We may have only a split second to react when we see a snake while hiking through the fields. Is it a rat snake or a rattlesnake? Boom! We decide. That’s why time drags on forever when we’re bored. Each tick of the clock may take a week. But when we look back at a month of boredom, it seems to have slipped by in a blink as each day blurs into the one before.

Now put yourself in a different place. What if you weren’t “stuck at home” because of a government order? (An order that is being gradually relaxed as I write this.) What if you couldn’t leave home because your body was unable to take you outside? What if you were stuck at home—maybe even confined to your bed—for the foreseeable future? For the rest of your life? Your mind would turn the seconds into minutes and the minutes into hours. But it would also turn the months into days and the years into weeks.

Photo by Photographee.eu / Shutterstock If you’re feeling like you just have to get out of the house right now, please take a minute to think about those who will still be homebound when Shelter in Place fades into memory.

Many people are in this unenviable situation because of injury, disease, or age. Since 1891, these people have been called “shut-ins” or, more kindly, “homebound.” Shelter in Place orders have given all of us the opportunity to experience their reality. The difference is we can escape to protest or to deal with essential tasks. Even when the last Shelter in Place order is lifted, the homebound will remain…well, shut in.

One of the services we provide at Hearts, Homes, and Hands is to help the homebound deal with their persistent reality.

Even though it seems like it wouldn’t work, one of the best things you can do to fight isolation and boredom is to keep to your normal schedule as much as you can. Go to bed and wake up at the same time as before COVID. Prepare your meals and eat them when you normally would. Exercise on your regular schedule even if it means jogging around the living room or lifting your kids instead of weights. If you can’t go to work, set aside some time to learn new things, to write letters, or to play games—anything to create new experiences for your brain to look forward to.

But the most important thing to schedule is downtime. Set aside time to do nothing. That’s right. Make time to do nothing at all. Force your brain to be bored so it looks forward to and enjoys the experiences it can have. Contrast real boredom with routine, and most of us will really appreciate being able to focus on and savor that first bite of activity—whatever it is.

Feeling Isolated?

Photo by Suna Sue Ann says hi from Zoom with her under-the-sea background.

Photo from Lee’s Fakebook page Suna say, “Lee’s Facebook page is so old it still has his graduation picture on it.” Yeah, right! My sixth grade graduation, maybe. That was back when books were on paper, a non-volatile storage media (unless you had a match).

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune on 2020-04-30 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-04-07.

Yes, I'm lonely

Want to die

If I ain't dead already, hoo

Girl, you know the reason why

—John Lennon, Paul McCartney

It’s no big secret: social distancing can cause its own set of problems. One of these is isolation. When we lock ourselves in our homes away from everybody else, we can get lonely.

Fortunately, technology provides us a workaround. Since we’ve been distancing, I don’t think a day has gone by when Sue Ann has not been on her phone or her computer Fakebooking, FaceTiming, Zooming, or using some other social media to stay in touch with her friends and coworkers.

I’ll admit I’m not the best at all of that. I kind of enjoy the isolation. But, in many people, isolation can lead to other problems like depression, or just to loss of motivation. For some of these people, technology is not an option for the simple reason that they’ve never needed or wanted to use it before (or can’t afford internet access).

I have a Facebook account that I think I logged into two years ago. I’ve never used Zoom. And I’ve never used video chat or FaceTime. However, I’ll admit that these are good ways to keep in touch with people when you can’t just go see them.

What do you do if you don’t have access to technology or don’t know how to use them? Well, here again, Hearts Homes and Hands can help. Some of our caregivers are very fluent with these technologies. They can help you set up a smart phone for the first time. They can help you Zoom or FaceTime so you can talk to your grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or children who live far away.

Just give Kathleen a call at 254-627-1200 and she can talk to you about all the different ways we can help you safely stay in contact.

Oh, and one bit of good news! A recent study showed that COVID-19 can’t be spread through flatulence. Everyone in my family is very relieved.

Focus on What We Can Do

Kathleen wears one of Lori’s mask Creations.

This post was republished on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-04-13.

Flesh and blood it turns to dust

Scatters in the wind

Love is all that matters in the end

—Robert Earl Keen

Each day brings us new opportunities and challenges—often cross-dressing as one another. Challenges can appear like opportunity to the unwary. That’s why many business people say their best deals are the ones they walk away from. Opportunities usually appear as challenges. That lead Thomas Edison to say, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

The truth is almost any situation can be an opportunity or a challenge, depending on how you choose to perceive it. I wanted to write today about how people are turning shelter in place—it sounds friendlier if we turn it into an acronym: SIP—into opportunities.

I’ll start with my partner at Hearts, Homes, and Hands, Kathleen Caso. For most of her career, Kathleen has worked to overcome isolation in our clients. Under SIP, isolation has become a benefit that helps our clients stay alive and healthy. “We’re doing more shopping for them, and I’m even teaching some of them how to order what they need online.” She said it’s been a real change in mindset.

Almost any challenge can be turned into an opportunity. Let’s keep looking for the opportunities and moving out of the darkness. Wendy rendering courtesy of Bob the Builder

Lori Vega saw an opportunity in the shortage of masks. Many of you know Lori from her sewing and alterations business, Vega Creations. Lori now makes masks to help slow the spread of COVID-19 in our community. Hearts, Homes, and Hands has taken delivery of two shipments to help protect both our clients and our caregivers.

Local attorney Kayla Chandler has been doing video chats because they add more face-to-face contact than just talking on the phone and still help with social distancing. “Video chats are always fun because when one dog starts barking, they all go nuts and we have a good laugh.” She and Matt also planted a garden with veggies and fruit tress. I would say it reminds me of the old Victory Gardens, but then I’d have to admit I’m old enough to remember them.

I heard one podcaster with a good idea. He said, “I don’t have to teach anyone to use Zoom when I interview them.” Everyone has already learned it in the last couple of months. Like Kayla said, Zoom and other video chat software are a good way to feel more connected while maintaining a safe social distance.

Let’s keep looking for the opportunities and moving out of the darkness. We can keep moving forward regardless economic challenges and social distancing. The question to ask is, “What can I do?” Not, “What can I do?” If we focus on what we can do, we’ll see opportunities abound.

A Word About Masks and Gloves

A mask protects other people from you. A respirator protects you from other people. Let’s save the respirators for the people who risk their lives to keep us alive. For more information see 3M. Photo source: 3M

This post originally appeared and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-03-30.

Breath I’ll take and breath I’ll give

Pray the day ain’t poison

Stand among the ones that live

In lonely indecision.

—Townes vanZandt

You’ve probably heard we face a shortage of masks and gloves, needed supplies to help fight the spread of the Coronavirus or COVID-19 (C-19). The best we can do as individuals is to make sure we are using these supplies correctly.

Masks

Let’s start with masks. Wearing a mask won’t keep you from getting sick, but it can keep you from spreading the disease if you are already sick.

The understanding as I write this post is that C-19 is transmitted through heavy droplets when you cough or sneeze. A mask can keep you from spreading these droplets. But because they tend to fall to the ground—they don’t stay suspended in the air—you don’t have to worry too much about inhaling them unless you are around someone who has the disease for more than 15 minutes.

You can get sick if you touch something that these droplets have fallen on and then touch your face. So that brings us to gloves.

Gloves

It doesn’t do you any good to wear gloves if you don’t take them off correctly. Here’s the right way in pictures. Photo by Room’s Studio

Gloves cut both ways. They can protect you from some forms of direct contact, but they can also encourage a false sense of security that reduces hand washing. Your gloves can also contact the infected droplets. If you touch your face while still wearing the gloves, you might as well not be wearing the gloves at all.

Then there’s the types of gloves. I saw someone walking their pet while wearing winter gloves. Cloth gloves can trap more of the infected droplets near your skin so you take them home with you. If you don’t immediately throw cloth gloves in the washer, you probably shouldn’t wear them at all.

Finally, there is an art to taking your gloves off. Be careful not to touch the outside of the glove to your skin. And wash your hands immediately, just in case.

These are scary times, but we can get through them if we think about what we’re doing, take care of each other, and work together.

Let’s All Stay Healthy

Washing your hands in warm, soapy water is the single most effective thing you can do to stay healthier. Photo source: Shutterstock

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-03-03.

Don’t let us get sick

Don’t let us get old

Don’t let us get stupid, all right?

—Warren Zevon

On Monday, 24 February, the CDC made a startling if not unexpected announcement. The global efforts to contain the N. Corona Virus - now officially called COVID-19 (C-19) are doomed to failure. So are the CDC’s efforts to keep C-19 out of the U.S. It is not a question of if C-19 will spread, “it’s more a question of when this will happen and a question of how many people will have severe illness.”

In October 2019, Johns Hopkins gamed out a global pandemic. Ironically, they chose a corona virus, not C-19 since this was a simulation and C-19 had not even been identified yet. Unfortunately, it showed 77% of countries were not able to collect real-time data on the spread of the disease, which means the reported number of cases is probably much lower than the number of actual cases. The good news is that the US ranked the most prepared. Not well prepared but better than anyone else.

C-19 is in the same family of viruses as the common cold. So, we already have some pretty effective ways of dealing with it. 

Older people, the very young, and those with immune systems compromised by other factors are the most at risk. But as with cold and flu, you might get C-19 and your symptoms could be so mild you don’t even know you’re sick.

Photo source: Amazon

Don’t Panic

While C-19 spreads around the world and could play havoc with the global economy, it is not a monster virus like the one in Stephen King’s epic The Stand. Its more lethal than a typical flu outbreak, but it does not seem to spread as easily. In fact, given recent cases of “community spread,” many otherwise healthy people may not even know they have contracted C-19. Many others may think they have the flu and either wait it out or ignore it.

• The leaders in our community already have plans. Robert Kirkpatrick, the Milam County Director of Public Health Preparedness is already working with state health officials and the CDC to monitor and coordinate efforts.
• Suna covered what our Health Department is doing in the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog post of 20 February. School officials in Milam County and around the country are developing plans to deal with students testing positive for C-19.
• I have a long-standing policy of sending sick people home. Both Hearts, Homes, and Hands and Hermits’ Rest Enterprises follow this policy. We don’t want people having to make the choice of going to work sick or putting food on the table. We all know where that decision will fall. 

You don’t have to go to this extreme to protect yourself from getting sick. Besides, the guy’s beard total breaks the respirator seal. Photo by Monkey Business Images
Shutterstock

What Should We Do?

While we shouldn’t panic, we need to approach this disease with open eyes. It might be comforting to hear that C-19 will be controlled by warmer weather in the Spring, as is the case with the flu and other corona viruses, but we don’t know that for sure. People still get colds and the flu in the summer, just not so frequently.

Here are a few things you can do to stay healthier:

• Avoid contact with sick people. Most of us can’t isolate ourselves and avoid any potential contact with potentially infected individuals, much as we might wish to. But we can try to avoid people who are obviously sick
• Wash your hands with soap and warm water for 25 seconds at least twice a day and always before eating. The CDC says this is the most effective thing you can do to avoid getting sick from just about any cause. 
• Avoid touching your mouth, nose, and eyes. These viruses spread thrive in the fluids produced in your mouth, nose, and eyes. They have evolved to irritate these parts of your body, making them water and facilitating virus transmission. 
• If you run a business, have a plan to limit the spread C-19 (or the flu) through your workforce. Can your employees work from home? Will you pay them? Where will you get replacement workers?

We Make News!

Okay. I admit it. This publication is part of our advertising package. But Still! Photo source: Cameron Herald

This post originally appeared on the Hermit Haus Redevelopment website on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-01-18.

It’s a steady job

But he wants to be a paperback writer

— John Lennon and Paul McCartney

This is more of a personal note than a business update. My first column on aging appeared in the 2020-01-16 edition of the Cameron Herald. This is a big deal for me because it marks the first time I have been published by a third party since a couple of my short-shorts appeared in Six Sentences. Before that, everything I’ve written was owned and distributed by my corporate overlords.

Happiness abounds!