All My Rowdy Friends Have Fallen Down

Falls are the leading cause of injury, especially hip injuries, in American elders. Managing our environment can go a long way to reducing the likelihood we will fall and hurt ourselves. Photo source: Shutterstock

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune on 2020-01-30 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-01-31.

And the hangovers hurt more then they used to

And corn bread and ice tea took the place

Of pills and ninety-proof,

And it seems like none of us do things quite like we used to do

— Hank Williams Jr.

My balance is not what it used to be. In fact, I’m a little envious of my friends in their seventies who still ride their motorcycles. I had to give mine up a few years ago after an ear infection left my balance just enough off that I had to think about every reaction. When you’re flying around at seventy miles an hour with nothing between you and eternity but your leathers, having to think about your actions means you are too damned slow. Well, I am anyway. I don’t want to lay down a bike. I don’t even want to fall out of bed!

As we get older, we tend to fall more. And as Hank Williams Jr. Says about hangovers, falls hurt more than they used to. The more falls hurt, the more wary I become of falling. I’m not just being overly cautious or paranoid. According to American Family Physician, “Falls are the leading cause of injury-related visits to emergency departments in the United States and the primary etiology of accidental deaths in persons over the age of 65 years.”

Some reasons we fall include balance issues (don’t I know it!), environmental hazards (like pets, kids, or clutter), illness, medications or alcohol, vertigo, and vision problems.

If falls are so painful and dangerous, what can we do to avoid them? Of the listed causes, about the only categories we have any real control over are medications, alcohol, and environmental hazards.

We often think we don’t have control over the medications we take, but we really do. Medications are supposed to make us healthier. If your medications make you more likely to fall, dizzy, drowsy, or just less alert, discuss that fact with your doctor. Doctors usually have options—various medication or combinations of medications—that get to the same result. Each person’s body is different and reacts to medications differently. It may take several attempts to figure out what works best for your body.

A glass of wine among friends is a good thing, but I’ve had to become more aware of how it affects my balance as I get older. Please enjoy safely.

Alcohol bridges the gap between medications and environmental factors. To paraphrase Hank again, “All my rowdy friends have fallen down.” I’m leaving alcohol in the environment and out of my body more often than I used to. I’ll still have a drink with dinner now and then, but that’s about the extent of it these days.

That leaves the environment. To help some elder tenants be safer, Hermits’ Rest Enterprises recently installed grab rails in a bathtub and around toilets. My nephew applied non-skid tape to a slick bathtub. I’m thinking about building sidewalks between my house and garage to avoid uneven spots in the yard. And though it hurts my pride, I’m even considering a stair chair. Those stairs are getting longer and steeper every day—especially when I first wake up and haven’t had my coffee yet.

Hearts Homes and Hands may not be able to do the handiwork needed to make your environment safer, but we can help you assess the risk of falling and recommend solutions. We can help with decluttering and keeping your environment cleaner, healthier, and safer.

Aging: Denial, Acceptance, and Heroism

Dad never did let that rockin’ chair get him. Here he is stretching fence at 90.

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2019-11-27.

So buy him a drink and lend him an ear

He's nobody's fool and the only one here

Who remembers the smell of the black powder smoke

And the stand in the street at the turn of a joke

— Guy Clark

There is a perception that getting older means we are somehow less than we were when we were younger. The memories and stories of our elders get discounted as ramblings, the lessons they could teach lost to many younger listeners.

While we eventually reach the point where we need help, a long life is an accomplishment, something to be proud of. Perhaps that’s why people go to great lengths to deny their true age. For example, Suna’s father cared for an elder woman who claimed to be 104. When she died, it came out that she was really 108, but she felt it was important to she maintain the fiction of being younger than she was.

And my dentist is the same age I am, almost to the day. But I sometimes have trouble taking him seriously. His hair is the color of shoe polish, and he has obviously had “work done” on his face—probably a combination of face lifts and Botox®. According to MedicalNewsToday, “Botox is a neurotoxin … used to reduce fine lines and wrinkles by paralyzing the underlying muscles.” Why anyone would poison themselves in a failed attempt to look younger is a mystery to me. And it undermines his credibility as a health advisor. But he is an excellent oral surgeon, and I keep reminding myself of that fact.

When we get older, we get older. I’m eternally grateful to my parents for instilling this sense of realism in me. I am the youngest of six. My mom was 36 when I was born. So, by the time I was in high school, they were looking seriously at retirement. Our kitchen table was lined with forged trivets conveying such messages as, “Don’t regret growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.”

Admittedly, I thought this aging advice was embarrassing at seventeen. But I still remember it in my sixties. Maybe that’s why I feel accepting of my own aging. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Even without denying our aging, we can still take steps to prolong our health and independence. My dad worked hard his whole life. He always advised me, “Don’t let that rockin’ chair get you.” The Spring before he died at 92, he planted 40+ acres of corn. His last hospitalization came at harvest, and he was more concerned about the harvest and yield than his own treatment. He knew he was dying and accepted it. So, he focused on what mattered to him.

This grandma fought off a home invader by herself! Not all of us have the ability or the confidence to do that. Photo by ABC News

This morning, I learned of an inspirational woman on the news. At 82, Willie Murphy beat a home invader badly enough to put him in the hospital. When the cops showed up, they took selfies with her. She said, “He picked the wrong house to break into.” Amen, sister! “I think he was happy when he went in the ambulance.”

Not all of us are body builders, but we can all do something. My neighbor across the road walked three miles a day—every day—well into her eighties. When she succumbed to cancer, she went down fighting, but she went down with grace.

All of us face challenges every day. These basically fall into two categories: those that are within our sphere of control and those that are not. All I can hope is that I continue to work on thing things I can change and accept those I can’t. I hope I’m never too proud to accept help when I need it.

If you find you need help with some of the things you used to be able to do, Hearts, Homes, and Hands is here to provide that help.

Aging Well

Ursula K Le Guin started blogging—mainly about aging—at 81. The blog was excerpted into No Time To Spare: Thinking about what matters. Photo by: K Kendall on flickr. This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

This file originally appeared on the Hearts Homes Hands aging blog on 2019-09-24

While we will talk about the business of running Hearts, Homes, Hands and providing in-home, non-medical elder care once we start accepting clients, that’s not the only purpose of [the company] blog. We want to share things we learn about the aging process and how to help live your life to the fullest as you age. And unlike other businesses, we hope to help you never become one of our clients.

So here is a look at some other blogs:

10 Bloggers Who Make Aging A Whole Lot Easier

As the title says, Huffpo lists 10 blogs, mainly run by journalists, that deal with aging well. One of them might suit your needs.

The Age-Well Project

Annabel Streets and Susan Saunders literally wrote the book on The Age Well Project. Their blog discusses their ongoing journey into elderhood.

Ursula K. Le Guin

Le Guin, was one of my favorite authors growing up. Unfortunately, she died last year, as we all eventually must. She started blogging at 81, and her writings continue to inspire me. I often quote he response to the misguided saying, “You’re only as old as you feel.” She responded, “If I’m ninety and believe I’m forty-five, I’m headed for a very bad time trying to get out of the bathtub.”

Crustier

This is the brush I currently use to maintain my callouses. It’s easy to grip and has very stiff bristles. My previous brush lasted almost five years. These brushes are a much more frugal way to maintain your feet than one of those dangerous trimmers.

This post originally appeared on the Hearts Homes Hands website on 2016-02-00.

As we get older, most of us get … crustier? I’m not talking about our personalities, although my friends—yes, I do have friends—would tell you I’ve gotten more than my share of that. I’m talking about dry skin and callouses on our hands and feet. Especially our feet. Especially our heels.

Or is that just me?

There are all kinds of products to help trim the callouses that develop on our feet. Most involve some kind of blade. And I’ve known even the sure-handed to get over zealous about trimming and injure themselves.

So, here’s my solution. For years now, I’ve used a simple kitchen brush. It needs to have a good handle so you can grip it easily. A long handle gives more reach, but a short handle gives better control. As I’ve gotten less limber, I’ve come to prefer the longer handled brushes like the one in the sidebar.

First, soak your feet or hands. I use mine in the shower, where I have a bench so I can sit or elevate my feet as I need. A pan of hot water also works nicely. Once the callouses soften, rub them in a circular motion. This action removes the excess skin, but leaves the healthy skin. And because the bristles bend, you don’t have to worry about cutting too deeply.

I hope this tidbit helps.

Spring Cleaning (of the Camera)

Beccano: just two years ago

Suna asked me to clean off the excess photos from the camera. Even with a 4GB card, we have to do that every couple of months.

Well, that’s never as easy as it sounds. First, I have to look at the pictures. Then I have to figure out what to do with them. Then I found out that Windows writes tags to the files to help search for them, so that meant I had to start looking at some of the older pictures.

One thing leads to another, and I found this shot of Beccano. I haven’t seen this little kid in a long time. He’s almost grown now.

Makes me wish there were more pictures of Trackgrease around. But we didn’t have digital cameras in those days, and we didn’t always remember to process the pictures we did take.

Does that mean I’m getting older, too? I hope not.

Eyesight to the [Nearly] Blind

Dad can see without glasses again!

What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite.

—Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

Friday morning, the kids left for the annual Band Trip. This year’s trip was to San Antonio. Suna and I had the evening to ourselves, so we ate BBQ.

We went to see my dad Saturday morning. She has blogged several of the pictures on Flickr. The one I’ve posted here shows Dad without glasses for the first time in 40 years. He’s 85 and had eye surgery on both eyes now. So he no longer needs them. Isn’t that cool?

Grateful Monday

So, that brings me to this week’s Grateful Monday.

I am so grateful to still have my father around to guide and inspire me after all of these years. How many people my age have that luxury? Especially since I arrived so late in my parents’ lives.

Losing Mom was about the hardest thing that ever happened, even though it took so long everybody was relieved when she finally passed—maybe because it took so took so long, five years. When Dad goes, I hope he goes quietly in his sleep after a long day walking around his farm, resting secure in his beliefs.

In the meantime, I am so grateful to have him around, even if I don’t do a really good job of keeping in touch. Even if we really don’t get along all that well. And even if we disagree on so many topics that are important to us both. I get sad every time he mentions that he won’t be around that much longer. I sadly agree with him. “Not more than another twenty, twenty-five years,” I say.

Sunshine on My Shoulders

Photo by Suna

Buddy looks so happy here laying among the flowers. He is really doing well, and all of the dogs seem to get along—at least, most of the time. They have their little dominance games to play, but I think Rose is winning that one. She masses more than anyone except Buddy, and she is more assertive. Buddy has always been fairly laid back. Rose still has her stripes to earn.

So Buddy likes taking it easy in the sunshine. The stairs seem to be doing his some good, now that he has mastered them. He is trimmer, although I think a little heavier. But they tell me—you know, them—that muscle weighs more than fat, so I am not worried about him. He plays hard. Then he rests.

Mostly, he keeps to himself except when he is enjoying the company of all the humans around here. He really likes the kids and many of their friends. When he barks at them, they sound almost bored when they say, “Shut up, Buddy. It’s just me.” Then he goes, “So, why aren’t you petting me?” And they respond, “Rose is cuter.”

Buddy is very much like me—easy to get along with but a little crotchety it his late-middle-age. Notice how skillfully I avoided saying, “old age?”