Showing posts with label business follies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label business follies. Show all posts

Friday, January 16, 2009

Marketing Geniuses

This innocent looking device is the evil autodialer. It’s what enables marketeers to call thousands of people a day. It can also hijack calls you make at a pay phone and place them on a more expensive carrier. I know of no legitimate use.

Photo source: Lakewood Conferences

Who thought of combining an autodialer and a voice recorder for marketing?

Who ever it was is one intellectually damaged subhuman. I don’t care what the actual message is, all I hear is, “As a valued TermiTroll customer, we wanted to let you know that we don’t care enough about you to call you ourselves.”

That really makes me want to buy their product—about as much as the sound of multiple police sirens outside my hotel makes me feel safe in a strange city.

And while I’m on this rant, who thought of having an autodialer call you up and ask you to hold for a sales representative? I mean, really! Has anyone ever done that?


17 January Update: This morning I stayed on the line with that Auto Warranty Scam just to cost them some additional money for the call. Even if they’re using VoIP, there is some cost associated with the duration of the call.

I spoke with a polite guy who said his name was John and had a Midwestern accent. He claimed that the scam is run by General Motors. He also claimed to be unable to remove my number from their autodialer. How convenient for him.

So here’s what I recommend. Every time you get one of these calls, stay on the line to drive up their costs. When you get a sales agent on the phone, be polite or rude as you choose, but tie them up as long as possible. The longer they’re on the phone, the less likely they are to hoodwink some weak-willed person with scare tactics.

The only way to fight this kind of telephone abuse is to cost them money. And time is money.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

If I Only Had a Brain

And my head I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain
—The Wizard of Oz

I had to make a quick run to the store tonight for supplemental supplies. I found what I needed without problem. Where the problem arose was when I tried to check out.

Following Wally World’s lead in lowering costs at the cost of customer service, The Butt has drastically reduced the number of checkers it hires. This is understandable in an industry with a low profit ratio. They have also shifted some of their work to their customers by installing self-check registers. Personally, I think this is a great idea. It lowers costs and speeds up check-out by increasing the number of available registers. Or so it goes in theory.

Somebody got the bright idea to close to of the self-check registers two and a half hours before the store closed. Note that there are only four self-check registers in this store. That sent customers queuing back into the frozen foods because of a dearth of attended registers. and these two registers closed.

I was not happy about this situation, so I asked the attendant. You know, the high-school kid who stands at a computer screen waiting for customers to scew up the self-check process. He looked puzzled that I would even care. “I don’t know,” he opined. “They just tell me to close them at 9:30.” It was 9:25.

My “How does this make sense?” reflex twitching, I asked to speak to a manager. There were two but neither was available. Finally, someone realized that S. was on break. The other one, M., was no where to be found. There had been some skateboarders frolicking outside earlier, but she was neither outside dealing with this threat to public safety nor in the office writing a report. After about ten minutes, M. showed up, followed shortly by S. returning from break. She explained to my forehead, “We just close them at 10 every night.” Remember, it wasn’t ten by the time I left the store.

But why? “It doesn’t cost you anything to leave them open, not one cent. All it does is irritate your customers to have to wait in line while unused resources are in sight and turned off.”

“Well,” she said to my forehead. At least S., who did not speak during this encounter would meet my eyes. M. was apparently too superior for making manager by her mid-to-late twenties to meet my eyes. “I’m sorry you’re upset.”

Translation: “I don’t care. I just need to make polite noises, and you’ll go away.” To this point, I really wasn’t upset. I simply wanted to understand something that appeared to run contrary to reason. But now that she told me I was, I felt the adrenaline pouring into my bloodstream. I told her this behavior was unacceptable and I would be writing to their district manager. I left to a confused refrain of “I'm sorry you’re upset.” She was apparently unable to figure out why her magic charm failed. I would say she was challenged by the position, but that might not be accurate. Challenged by human interaction is most definitely the case, however.

Will this experience cause me to stop shopping at the local The Butt? No.

Will it cause me to move some of my purchases elsewhere and treat The Butt like a convenience store? You betcha.