What Are Your Six Things?

Photo by jokerbethyname / Shutterstock Only a fool would not be scared if a rattlesnake suddenly raised its head. That’s a healthy and potentially life-saving reaction. But when I was a child, I was so terrified of snakes around our house in the country that I was often afraid to go outside for days at a time. That is not a healthy reaction.

Photo by NASAThis picture is a NASA photo of Flight Engineer Tim Kopra in 2015, not Chris Hadfield. But it illustrates just how alone you are in space, even if there is another person around to take the picture. Can you imagine suddenly and unexpectedly going blind in this situation?

Photo by Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock Washing your hands in warm, soapy water is the single most effective thing you can do to stay healthier.

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-04-17.

Be scared. You can’t help that. But don’t be afraid. Ain’t nothing in the woods going to hurt you unless you corner it, or it smells that you are afraid. A bear or a deer, too, has got to be scared of a coward the same as a brave man has got to be.

—William Faulkner

These are scary times. I’m reminded of a quote from William Faulkner. “Be scared,” he wrote “You can't help that. But don’t be afraid.”

Being scared is a natural reaction to a startling stimulus. It gets your heart beating and your body ready to fight or flee. Being afraid is ongoing. It can lead to complete inaction or worse—self-destructive behaviors.

How can we not be afraid when times are so scary?

Astronaut Chris Hadfield went blind while walking in space. What could be scarier or more frightening than knowing you are alone in the vastness of space and not being able to see how to get back inside the relative safety of your space capsule? Hadfield survived by focusing on the six things he could do to make things better.

I’ll bet we can each find six things we can do to make things better. Here’s my list.

1. My family and I are practicing social distancing and eliminating unnecessary trips to town and stores.

Even at home, we maintain our private spaces and keep our distance. This private distancing can be challenging with seven adults under roof.

2. While hand washing has always been important, my family and I are becoming almost obsessive about it. 

3. I work every day to keep Hearts, Homes, and Hands able to provide essential the services—like grocery shopping or help with housecleaning—that keep our clients safe and healthy.

We also work very hard to protect our employees. Kathleen and I reached out to every outlet we could find to get adequate protective gear for our employees when that gear became unavailable through our usual suppliers.

4. Every morning and every evening just before bed, I journal about things I am grateful for.

This practice keeps me focused on what is going right in my life and away from the spiraling cesspool of negativity that seems determined to drag us all down. We don’t control what happens, but we can control how we react to it.

5. I cut my own hair the other day.

Even if hair salons were open, I would not have risked my own health, nor the health of my clients and those I love, for simple vanity. And it didn’t turn out badly. Not like it could have. Not like it did when I was six.

6. Finally, I keep in mind that there is no problem so bad I can’t make it worse.

There are four items on my list that can move directly to yours. But really think about that last one. Social distancing works. It has kept the spread of the disease way down in Milam County, and it has helped keep the outbreak manageable in other parts of the country. Let’s not make the problem worse by taking unnecessary risks or getting out and about too soon.

We will all be happier and healthier if we focus on what we can do to make things better.

Thankful Thursday

If you have any interest at all in instrumental classical music, this album needs to be in your rotation. Photo from Amazon

Warren Zevon recorded The Wind while in the process of dying. The music is understandably contemplative and melancholy, and still uplifting. Photo from Amazon

Thank you for the music, the songs I’m singing

Thanks for all the joy they’re bringing

Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty

What would life be?

— Benny Andersson, Björn Ulvaeus

I was really busy earlier this week, so instead of Grateful Monday, here is Thankful Thursday.

I was listening to a Hidden Brain podcast on how we change our beliefs Tuesday. In it a woman was on her way to an appointment where she would be diagnosed with ALS. She was listening to Warren Zevon’s “Keep Me in Your Heart,” which is from an album he recorded while dying. It got me thinking about how we build soundtracks for our lives.

Music is a universal language. Many of us like songs in languages we don’t speak. Sarah Chang’s performance of Chopin’s “Nocturne #20” proved (to me, anyway) that a performance doesn’t have to have words to bring us to tears. Then there’s the whole genre of rock, where you’re hard pressed to understand the words, even with a libretto.

Unfortunately, most of us are not open to new forms of musical expression after our mid-twenties.

Even so, I’m grateful for music.

• For the opportunities it gave me to travel and grow and get over stage fright
• For the learning opportunities of life on the road
• For the ways it brings people together
• For its ability to communicate complex ideas and build empathy or movements

Thanksgiving 2019

Rollie, Suna, and Declan picked dead things for the table centerpiece. Omnia perit. Photo by Declan

Where’s Declan? Hint: he shows up twice. Photo by Suna

Easy lovin’, everyday’s Thanksgiving,

To count all my blessings,

I wouldn’t know where to start

— Freddie Hart (1926-2018)

I swear I’m not just writing so much about gratitude this week because it’s Thanksgiving in the US. That is a factor, but it’s not the only one. I am really feeling grateful for all that’s happening to me and that I’m accomplishing. But this post focuses specifically on Thanksgiving Day.

Using my new journaling system, I blocked off the whole day as Family Time. And that’s how I spent it. I watched my Cowboys lose again. I listened to someone cry about everyone treating her unfairly. We had friends and family over. And I finally went to bed having accomplished everything on my to-do list—specifically eating too much.

Someone on NPR today said that Thanksgiving is representative of America’s genius. You don’t need to have a specific ethnicity, creed, or religion to celebrate it. All you need is people and food. And to day we certainly had those in abundance. I really am grateful.

The dishes can wait for another day.

Grateful Monday

I am always grateful for these two cute dogs—even when they eat my shoes.

I got to give Milam Touch of Love a check to cover buying materials for the new dog run at the City of Cameron pound. Photo by Suna

Harvey and Suna both love to sing, and I enjoy listening to them.

A big black dog

Little too much gray around the muzzle

A big black dog

Why she ended up at the pound is a puzzle

—Emmylou Harris and Will Jennings

This week is another of those that prove the need to cherish the things that don’t go to plan as much as those that do. Everything you experience goes how you want it to, benefits you or your community in unexpected ways, or teaches you something that will make you a better person going forward.

Sarita snags … again.

The Sarita sale keeps hitting snag after snag. On Friday, the title company called for payoff so they could complete the settlement statement. The mortgage company “couldn’t find the loan.” By the time this snag was resolved, it was too late to finish the statement today. They can finish it on Monday, but FHA requires three days to review it. That would put closing on Thanksgiving Day. Looks like next Monday will be the earliest we can close.

The incompetence of title companies and mortgage companies is outside of my control. I’m doing better at accepting this reality. The Realtor® helping us with the sale thanked me for “being so patient.”

Better living through chemistry. Right? Not so much. I’m grateful to be learning to focus on what I can affect.

Cars are expensive!

Through a series of decisions, we now own three cars that need to be inspected, licensed, and maintained in November. This year, I failed to set up a reserve to handle this expense. So of course, my car needed thousands of dollars in repairs.

The timing is set and can’t be changed unless I trade vehicles. The lack of reserves is something I can correct, and I will.

I am grateful I had more than enough set back in the family’s general reserve account to cover the combined expense.

Tractor Supply rocks!

Suna and I went to the Herne Tractor Supply to buy things for the horses. While we were there, we got to talking with a really nice guy who turned out to be the store manager … at least, until January sometime.

He helped us find all the materials we need to build a big dog run for the City of Cameron’s pound. Now that we know where to find all the materials, Hearts, Homes, and Hands cut a check to Milam Touch of Love, the charity that supports pounds and animal rescues in Milam County, to cover the expense. Next week, we will go pick up all the materials, and my nephew Chris has promised to help put the run together over the Thanksgiving weekend.

I am so grateful we could help further the work of MToL and help take care of the lovely animals who end up in the Cameron pound.

Gratitude (Introduction)

Cesar reportedly had a slave to remind him of his mortality. Stoicism suggest we approach every action, every decision as if it were our last. Photo source: The Daily Stoic Store

Of Fronto, [I have learned] how much envy and fraud and hypocrisy the state of a tyrannous king is subject unto, and how they who are commonly called ευπατρίδαι, i.e. nobly born, are in some sort incapable, or void of natural affection.

—Marcus Aurelius

I know you, my theoretical readers, have noticed I don’t blog religiously. A lot of my blogging is playing catch-up, copying what I have written for other publications into this solitary reliquary.

What I do, or try to do, religiously is journal. That’s right, on paper. I’ve found using electronic journaling leads to focusing on minutia at the expense of more important matters. I can jot down a bullet point if something is important enough and then review those jottings to keep my focus on what matters.

Part of my journaling practice involves meditating on what I am grateful for each day. I focus on two things first thing in the morning as part of my wake-up transition. I also leave room for one more to be discovered in the course of the day. That way I am reminded to always be on the lookout for something to be grateful for. As Marcus Aurelius said, “The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”And I want the quality of my thoughts to guide me toward gratitude and tranquility...as well as financial success. Those three goals are not mutually exclusive. According to Maslow, they are linear and dependent.

I first read Aurelius either late in high school or early in college. I’ve kept a copy of his Meditations with me ever since. As a stoic, he believed that we should be grateful for everything that happens to us—good, bad, and indifferent.

We don’t know if a thing is good or bad when we experience it. We can only make that determination in hindsight, once we look back and see its effects. For example, a friend of mine developed sever stomach pains. It turned out she had an ulcer. But in diagnosing the cause of the pain, her doctors found out she had picked up a parasite on a South American vacation a couple of weeks before. The parasitic infestation was not advanced enough to cause symptoms, but the ulcer enabled them to find it before it started doing irreparable damage to her organs. Her ulcer, painful as it was, turned out to be a good thing.

Thinking about that, I realized I should publish my gratitude on this blog in the unlikely event that someone will find it interesting or useful. I will start with today’s three items and incorporate future and past items as I can.

Penny and Carlton often make us go,“Awwww.” Photo by: Suna

Today’s Gratitude

Suna’s company

Until she retires, we are maintaining separate residences. She lives in Austin half-time and at the ranch with me the other half. I really appreciate her company when she is here. I also appreciate her absence when she is gone because it reminds me how much I enjoy the time I do get to spend with her.

The Daily Stoic

This podcast reminds me that everyone faces trials and tribulations. These rough patches can be prepared for and are not so upsetting if you teach yourself to expect them. It taught me that I have always tried to live a semi-stoic lifestyle. Like Buddhism, stoicism is a practice, not an accomplishment.

Carlton and Penny

These two have been exceptionally sweet today. They made Suna and I both go, “Awwww” many times.

Thank You for the Music

Three members of Trey Bone play with a drummer at Live Oak UU Church Photo by: John Montgomery

What would life be without a song or dance

What are we

So, I say, thank you for the music

For giving it to me

—Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus

Tonight was the first rehearsal for Trey Bone since we played a couple of songs at church in October. It went really well, almost as if we had been playing together recently. Suna and the guys harmonized so well that it sent chills down my spine. Would that I could sing that prettily.

We are using the same set list as last year, with the addition of a couple of songs. One thing that’s nice is that we’ve slowed down some of the tunes to a more reasonable pace. There were a couple that I felt as if we were racing through. Slower, they sound really good.

Grateful Monday on Tuesday

OK. I’m a little late getting my Grateful Monday post. My dear reader knows that this blog often post a few days or weeks behind. I have enough deadlines at work to feel the need for them in my recreational activities. Humph.

Anyway. Today I am grateful for music. I love the feeling of hitting the notes with everyone—losing yourself in something larger than yourself. I love being able to play or sing or both and have the music just flow through me without thought.

Listening to a really good performance sometimes brings this transcendence, but playing…