Please Stop Throwing Rocks

Even a hand-made mask like this one (made for us by Lori Vega and modeled by Kathleen) offers more protection against illness than a naked face.

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-06-00.

Well, they’ll stone you when you walk all alone

They’ll stone you when you are walking home

They’ll stone you and then say you are brave

They’ll stone you when you are set down in your grave

But I would not feel so all alone

Everybody must get stoned

—Bob Dylan

If you were drowning and someone jumped into the water to save you, would you try to pull them down with you? Of course not. Even the two percent of people who qualify as psychopaths would not try to kill someone who was trying to save them.

So, let’s take it out a bit. Imagine you are enjoying a sunny day at the lake. You notice a child having trouble keeping his head above water. A woman jumps into the lake and tries to pull the boy to safety. Would you start throwing rocks at the woman? I don’t think so. That would be Pure Evil.

Now the parent you like the most—it’s okay. Everyone gets along better with one parent that the other(s). Now your That Parent—your favorite—is fishing from a pier. Would you try to make them fall off? And if they did, would you impede anyone who tried to help them? No. You would probably jump in yourself to try to save them.

These are not random, silly questions.

If you are one of the people who believes your right to expose your face is more important than a front line responder’s right to breathe, you are actively trying to drown someone who is trying to help you and yours. You are throwing COVID-shaped rocks at first responders and healthcare workers. You could even be shoving your parent into the water to drown.

I’m not questioning your right to go bare faced. You have that right. Where fines are involved, you can choose not to wear a mask and pay the fine or to wear an additional piece of fabric.

But with the right to choose comes the responsibility for your choice. If you don’t wear a mask, you are choosing to risk the lives of everyone around you, including people you love. You will be responsible for their deaths if they die from an infection you chose to spread.

To paraphrase a church meme: It doesn’t matter whether or not you believe in COVID-19; COVID-19 believes in you.

So, please choose responsibly. Please choose to protect the lives of your family, your neighbors, the caregivers who work for me and other agencies, and even me. More importantly, please choose to protect yourself. Wearing a mask is the single most effective step we can take to contain the spread of the virus and lower the death count. Please wear your mask in public.

How Long Do You Want to Live?

Photo by Unknown One thing centenarians have in common is being active in community and family. Here is Suna being active with her Master Naturalist community in the days before COVID-19.

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune on 2020-06-04 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-06-04

You live and you die

And I’ll probably throw it away

But in the end it’s mine

And nobody has a right to say

“Go down lightly”

“Go down silently”

I’ll go down screaming

“Give it back! It belongs to me”

—Janice Ian

Barring the Zombie Apocalypse or the actual apocalypse, how long do you want to hang around on this planet consuming oxygen? Have you given your lifespan much thought? I have. I’ve thought about it a lot more on the north side of sixty than I did when I was younger—and even more since the onset of COVID-19.

When I ask people about this (I actually do; I’m like that.), their answers generally fall into one of a few buckets.

Young adults tend to look at me like I’ve suddenly sprouted a wasp from my forehead. They haven’t given the question much, if any, thought. And who could blame them? When I was their age, I just assumed I’d live forever. (I’m still on track for that, by the way.) I still believed I was ten feet tall and bullet-proof.

A few people say, “As long as I can,” a comfortably meaningless phrase. It gives the appearance of answering without commitment or much thought.

The most common response is something like, “as long as I can still do what I want” or “as long as I can be independent.” This answer implies good health, something none of us can guarantee. Most of us never want to become a burden on society or our families. Once you’ve been a parent, letting go of taking care of your kids is hard. And the thought of them taking care of you is horrifying. That horror is led my partners and me to form Hearts Homes and Hands, a state-regulated personal assistance service dedicated to helping people maintain their independence through age, injury, and infirmity. I am already a clients.

I think that fear of dependency is why many elders say something like, “I’m ready to go Home.” Dad used to say, “I’m ready to see your mother again.”

But we’re not really in control of all that. Julius Caesar had a slave whose only job was to whisper in his ear, “You could die today.” As could any of us. But we could also outlive our bodies or, more frightening to me, our minds. We need to plan for both possibilities.

Dad used to tell me, “Plan to live forever and know you won’t.”

Dad used to tell me, “Plan to live forever and know you won’t.” That’s really good advice. More Americans are now over 100 years old than ever before. We’ve even had to invent a new word, “supercentenarians,” for people who are more than 110. One study found that centarians and supercentarians have three common traits, all of which we can start working on today, regardless of age.

First, they are involved with their families and communities. We can all keep up with the kids and grandkids through social media and writing letters, even if we can’t get out. Church is another source of community support, especially if we give support to others before we need it ourselves. Pets also help us build deep ties and reasons to keep going. Someone has got to take care of Fluffy.

Second, they all keep busy. One woman still ran her family ranch at 104. Dad planted corn at 92 while he was dying of cancer. The only thing that worried him when he was in the hospital was how well his crop had done. I know several people who still go into the office every day well into their seventies and eighties. One of my first bosses started a new company when he was 84.

The third commonality is that they want to be alive. The first two traits give them reasons to keep going, but the drive to live is something deeper. It is a passion for life. As singer-songwriter Janis Ian put it, “I’ll go out screaming, ‘It’s mine! Give it back to me!’” I really admire the fight in that answer.

Bored? Some Folks Will Always Be Homebound

Photo by Postmaster / Shutterstock I think Marcus Aurelius once said, “We choose to participate in the rave.”

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune on 2020-05-21 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-05-21.

Me and Loretta, we don’t talk much more

She sits and stares through the back-door screen

And all the news just repeats itself

Like some forgotten dream that we’ve both seen

—John Prine

You see them more and more on the evening news: people out en masse, partying in crowded, recently opened (or illegally opened) bars. Some have just come from rallies where they gathered around Patrick Henry’s immortal soundbite, “Give me Liberty, or give me Death!” You can almost hear the excess capitalization as they ignore the fact that Liberty and Death are not mutually exclusive. In a pandemic, they can be correlative, if not causative.

But I understand where they’re coming from. Boredom. At least, that’s what most seem to say on camera. “I’ve just got to get out of the house!” One day blurs into the next, giving us the new word “Blursday.” A meme shows a generic calendar with each column headed by the same word. “Day.”

Our brains thrive on novelty. The first bite of our favorite foods can cause our eyelids to flutter shut and our eyes to roll back in transient ecstasy. A month later, you’ll remember that first bite, but you won’t remember the ninth or tenth by the end of the meal.

Photo by EVZ / Shutterstock Nanci Griffith once sang about being a clock without hands. She was more right than metaphorical. Our brains measure time in very long increments and tiny ones. And those measurements don’t really relate to each other.

Savoring that first bite can seem to take as long as the rest of the meal. That’s because our brains have many clocks to keep track of time. None of these brain clocks have hour hands. They measure time in fractions of a day or fractions of a second. There’s nothing really in between.

We experience that first bite in what neurologists call “prospective time.” While we’re looking forward to it and experiencing it, our brains measure time in fractions of a second. But the rest of the meal doesn’t get as much attention as that first bite. Rather than form new memories of each bite, our brains overwrite the same memory pattern over and over again. We don’t experience eating the rest of the meal so much as remember it later in “retrospective time.”

The same thing happens all the time. We experience new things in prospective time, but repetitive actions blur into retrospective time. We tend to live in prospective time where the length a pause in conversation can have real meaning. We may have only a split second to react when we see a snake while hiking through the fields. Is it a rat snake or a rattlesnake? Boom! We decide. That’s why time drags on forever when we’re bored. Each tick of the clock may take a week. But when we look back at a month of boredom, it seems to have slipped by in a blink as each day blurs into the one before.

Now put yourself in a different place. What if you weren’t “stuck at home” because of a government order? (An order that is being gradually relaxed as I write this.) What if you couldn’t leave home because your body was unable to take you outside? What if you were stuck at home—maybe even confined to your bed—for the foreseeable future? For the rest of your life? Your mind would turn the seconds into minutes and the minutes into hours. But it would also turn the months into days and the years into weeks.

Photo by Photographee.eu / Shutterstock If you’re feeling like you just have to get out of the house right now, please take a minute to think about those who will still be homebound when Shelter in Place fades into memory.

Many people are in this unenviable situation because of injury, disease, or age. Since 1891, these people have been called “shut-ins” or, more kindly, “homebound.” Shelter in Place orders have given all of us the opportunity to experience their reality. The difference is we can escape to protest or to deal with essential tasks. Even when the last Shelter in Place order is lifted, the homebound will remain…well, shut in.

One of the services we provide at Hearts, Homes, and Hands is to help the homebound deal with their persistent reality.

Even though it seems like it wouldn’t work, one of the best things you can do to fight isolation and boredom is to keep to your normal schedule as much as you can. Go to bed and wake up at the same time as before COVID. Prepare your meals and eat them when you normally would. Exercise on your regular schedule even if it means jogging around the living room or lifting your kids instead of weights. If you can’t go to work, set aside some time to learn new things, to write letters, or to play games—anything to create new experiences for your brain to look forward to.

But the most important thing to schedule is downtime. Set aside time to do nothing. That’s right. Make time to do nothing at all. Force your brain to be bored so it looks forward to and enjoys the experiences it can have. Contrast real boredom with routine, and most of us will really appreciate being able to focus on and savor that first bite of activity—whatever it is.

Caring for Our Pets

Penny loves to cuddle, but I am trying to be more careful about keeping her tongue out of my face. Next, I’ll work on the feet.

Brody always took hand washing and social distancing very seriously…even before they were a thing.

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-05-08.

A big black dog

A little too much gray around the muzzle

A big black dog

Why she ended up at the pound is a puzzle

—Emmylou Harris

We all love our fur babies. Well, most of us. I suppose there are still people around like WC Fields hey, about her screenwriter Leo Rosten once said, “any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.“ I just don’t know any.

Just about everyone I know falls at the other end of the spectrum. At Hearts Homes and Hands, we love our animals. Most of us have more pets at home than people. in fact, two members of our team are on the Board of Directors for Milam Touch of Love, a 501(c)(3) charitable organization dedicated to the welfare of animals in Milam County. Others have contributed to or done volunteer work for that organization.

If you use the term “fur babies“—it took me a long time to get used to it. But then I realized I call Carlton “Baby Boy“ and Penny “Baby Girl.“ Sigh. Anyway—if you use the term “fur babies,” you probably have experienced their delicate, little (or big, sloppy) kisses…whether you wanted to or not.

And that brings me to Winston, who made national news a couple of days before I wrote this article. Winston is a pug who lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina with his family of four humans. The two adults are both doctors, but all four are COVID survivors.

One day Doctor Mom noticed Winston’s behavior was a little off. He even skipped breakfast. No pug I have ever known willingly skips a meal unless something is very wrong. So, Doctor Mom has Winston tested. Sure enough, he was positive for COVID.

Winston is the first American dog to test positive and the first confirmed case of human-canine transmission. We already knew that cats, including lions and tigers and—well, not bears—at the NY Zoo could get COVID. But Dr. Anthony Fauchi, the face of the Administration’s COVID Response Team, said there is “no evidence” of pets giving the virus to their people. That’s good. Just try putting a mask on a cat. Neither one of you will have a good result.

But Fauchi didn’t rule out the possibility of pet-human transmission. All “no evidence” means is that we haven’t proven that it happens, not that it doesn’t happen.

All this is to say our pets need to practice social distancing as much as we do. Right now, it’s a good idea to keep your indoor pets inside and your outdoor pets away from others. And avoiding those fur baby kisses can help protect both of you.

Feeling Isolated?

Photo by Suna Sue Ann says hi from Zoom with her under-the-sea background.

Photo from Lee’s Fakebook page Suna say, “Lee’s Facebook page is so old it still has his graduation picture on it.” Yeah, right! My sixth grade graduation, maybe. That was back when books were on paper, a non-volatile storage media (unless you had a match).

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune on 2020-04-30 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-04-07.

Yes, I'm lonely

Want to die

If I ain't dead already, hoo

Girl, you know the reason why

—John Lennon, Paul McCartney

It’s no big secret: social distancing can cause its own set of problems. One of these is isolation. When we lock ourselves in our homes away from everybody else, we can get lonely.

Fortunately, technology provides us a workaround. Since we’ve been distancing, I don’t think a day has gone by when Sue Ann has not been on her phone or her computer Fakebooking, FaceTiming, Zooming, or using some other social media to stay in touch with her friends and coworkers.

I’ll admit I’m not the best at all of that. I kind of enjoy the isolation. But, in many people, isolation can lead to other problems like depression, or just to loss of motivation. For some of these people, technology is not an option for the simple reason that they’ve never needed or wanted to use it before (or can’t afford internet access).

I have a Facebook account that I think I logged into two years ago. I’ve never used Zoom. And I’ve never used video chat or FaceTime. However, I’ll admit that these are good ways to keep in touch with people when you can’t just go see them.

What do you do if you don’t have access to technology or don’t know how to use them? Well, here again, Hearts Homes and Hands can help. Some of our caregivers are very fluent with these technologies. They can help you set up a smart phone for the first time. They can help you Zoom or FaceTime so you can talk to your grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or children who live far away.

Just give Kathleen a call at 254-627-1200 and she can talk to you about all the different ways we can help you safely stay in contact.

Oh, and one bit of good news! A recent study showed that COVID-19 can’t be spread through flatulence. Everyone in my family is very relieved.

What Are Your Six Things?

Photo by jokerbethyname / Shutterstock Only a fool would not be scared if a rattlesnake suddenly raised its head. That’s a healthy and potentially life-saving reaction. But when I was a child, I was so terrified of snakes around our house in the country that I was often afraid to go outside for days at a time. That is not a healthy reaction.

Photo by NASAThis picture is a NASA photo of Flight Engineer Tim Kopra in 2015, not Chris Hadfield. But it illustrates just how alone you are in space, even if there is another person around to take the picture. Can you imagine suddenly and unexpectedly going blind in this situation?

Photo by Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock Washing your hands in warm, soapy water is the single most effective thing you can do to stay healthier.

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-04-17.

Be scared. You can’t help that. But don’t be afraid. Ain’t nothing in the woods going to hurt you unless you corner it, or it smells that you are afraid. A bear or a deer, too, has got to be scared of a coward the same as a brave man has got to be.

—William Faulkner

These are scary times. I’m reminded of a quote from William Faulkner. “Be scared,” he wrote “You can't help that. But don’t be afraid.”

Being scared is a natural reaction to a startling stimulus. It gets your heart beating and your body ready to fight or flee. Being afraid is ongoing. It can lead to complete inaction or worse—self-destructive behaviors.

How can we not be afraid when times are so scary?

Astronaut Chris Hadfield went blind while walking in space. What could be scarier or more frightening than knowing you are alone in the vastness of space and not being able to see how to get back inside the relative safety of your space capsule? Hadfield survived by focusing on the six things he could do to make things better.

I’ll bet we can each find six things we can do to make things better. Here’s my list.

1. My family and I are practicing social distancing and eliminating unnecessary trips to town and stores.

Even at home, we maintain our private spaces and keep our distance. This private distancing can be challenging with seven adults under roof.

2. While hand washing has always been important, my family and I are becoming almost obsessive about it. 

3. I work every day to keep Hearts, Homes, and Hands able to provide essential the services—like grocery shopping or help with housecleaning—that keep our clients safe and healthy.

We also work very hard to protect our employees. Kathleen and I reached out to every outlet we could find to get adequate protective gear for our employees when that gear became unavailable through our usual suppliers.

4. Every morning and every evening just before bed, I journal about things I am grateful for.

This practice keeps me focused on what is going right in my life and away from the spiraling cesspool of negativity that seems determined to drag us all down. We don’t control what happens, but we can control how we react to it.

5. I cut my own hair the other day.

Even if hair salons were open, I would not have risked my own health, nor the health of my clients and those I love, for simple vanity. And it didn’t turn out badly. Not like it could have. Not like it did when I was six.

6. Finally, I keep in mind that there is no problem so bad I can’t make it worse.

There are four items on my list that can move directly to yours. But really think about that last one. Social distancing works. It has kept the spread of the disease way down in Milam County, and it has helped keep the outbreak manageable in other parts of the country. Let’s not make the problem worse by taking unnecessary risks or getting out and about too soon.

We will all be happier and healthier if we focus on what we can do to make things better.

Focus on What We Can Do

Kathleen wears one of Lori’s mask Creations.

This post was republished on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-04-13.

Flesh and blood it turns to dust

Scatters in the wind

Love is all that matters in the end

—Robert Earl Keen

Each day brings us new opportunities and challenges—often cross-dressing as one another. Challenges can appear like opportunity to the unwary. That’s why many business people say their best deals are the ones they walk away from. Opportunities usually appear as challenges. That lead Thomas Edison to say, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

The truth is almost any situation can be an opportunity or a challenge, depending on how you choose to perceive it. I wanted to write today about how people are turning shelter in place—it sounds friendlier if we turn it into an acronym: SIP—into opportunities.

I’ll start with my partner at Hearts, Homes, and Hands, Kathleen Caso. For most of her career, Kathleen has worked to overcome isolation in our clients. Under SIP, isolation has become a benefit that helps our clients stay alive and healthy. “We’re doing more shopping for them, and I’m even teaching some of them how to order what they need online.” She said it’s been a real change in mindset.

Almost any challenge can be turned into an opportunity. Let’s keep looking for the opportunities and moving out of the darkness. Wendy rendering courtesy of Bob the Builder

Lori Vega saw an opportunity in the shortage of masks. Many of you know Lori from her sewing and alterations business, Vega Creations. Lori now makes masks to help slow the spread of COVID-19 in our community. Hearts, Homes, and Hands has taken delivery of two shipments to help protect both our clients and our caregivers.

Local attorney Kayla Chandler has been doing video chats because they add more face-to-face contact than just talking on the phone and still help with social distancing. “Video chats are always fun because when one dog starts barking, they all go nuts and we have a good laugh.” She and Matt also planted a garden with veggies and fruit tress. I would say it reminds me of the old Victory Gardens, but then I’d have to admit I’m old enough to remember them.

I heard one podcaster with a good idea. He said, “I don’t have to teach anyone to use Zoom when I interview them.” Everyone has already learned it in the last couple of months. Like Kayla said, Zoom and other video chat software are a good way to feel more connected while maintaining a safe social distance.

Let’s keep looking for the opportunities and moving out of the darkness. We can keep moving forward regardless economic challenges and social distancing. The question to ask is, “What can I do?” Not, “What can I do?” If we focus on what we can do, we’ll see opportunities abound.

Meaningful Work

Even if it feels like we are all flying alone, we are all interconnected. No one is an island. Rendering by Dr. Norbert Lange
Shutterstock

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-04-02 (with different art).

No man is an island entire of itself; every man

is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;

if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe

is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as

well as any manner of thy friends or of thine

own were; any man's death diminishes me,

because I am involved in mankind.

And therefore never send to know for whom

the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

—John Donne

One of the things that adds meaning to our lives is doing work that we think is important in some way. Work that helps others, that saves lives, that somehow makes our communities better. That’s one reason I started Hearts, Homes, and Hands instead of just retiring to my ranch. I wanted to continue to make a difference in people’s lives.

But many of us are in jobs that we don’t think of as meaningful. They feel enclosing like we are drowning in drudgery. They give us a pay check but little else.

The Shelter in Place order and the COVID-19 outbreak gives us a chance to rethink how we feel about our jobs and find the meaning that was really hiding there all along.

When I worked as a fast-food cook in high school, I never thought it was an important community service. Compared to being a nurse or a lawyer or a cop, it was almost embarrassing. Sure, flipping burgers put a few bucks in my pocket, but it did nothing else to make me feel good about myself.

Truckers lead mostly solitary lives, but modern society would not function without them. Photo by MNBB Studio
Shutterstock

But look at that job today. The government has literally defined it as essential to the community. Fry cooks and servers turn out to be more important to the world than we—even those of us who have worked as such—ever thought. They feed hungry people. They help keep the cops on the street and the healthcare workers tending the sick.

There are other examples of invisible, under appreciated jobs that are essential to society. Without stockers, grocery store shelves would be barren. Without truck drivers risking their lives to drive through and even into hot spots, there would be nothing for those stockers to put on the shelves. Without warehousers, consolidators, and packagers, those drivers would not be able to deliver our necessities to the stores or directly to our houses. And without factory workers and farmers, there would be nothing to deliver.

But even those without “essential” jobs may be doing important, meaningful work. So, take a minute and look at what you do. I’ll bet in some way, it improves someone’s life somehow.

We have a moment now to think about our lives. Let’s figure out how we make the world a better place. And if it turns out we don’t, let’s figure out how we can.

We are all connected. If we can each improve the life of one person—make one person laugh, make one person smile, or just ease one person’s pain—we are all better for it.

A Word About Masks and Gloves

A mask protects other people from you. A respirator protects you from other people. Let’s save the respirators for the people who risk their lives to keep us alive. For more information see 3M. Photo source: 3M

This post originally appeared and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-03-30.

Breath I’ll take and breath I’ll give

Pray the day ain’t poison

Stand among the ones that live

In lonely indecision.

—Townes vanZandt

You’ve probably heard we face a shortage of masks and gloves, needed supplies to help fight the spread of the Coronavirus or COVID-19 (C-19). The best we can do as individuals is to make sure we are using these supplies correctly.

Masks

Let’s start with masks. Wearing a mask won’t keep you from getting sick, but it can keep you from spreading the disease if you are already sick.

The understanding as I write this post is that C-19 is transmitted through heavy droplets when you cough or sneeze. A mask can keep you from spreading these droplets. But because they tend to fall to the ground—they don’t stay suspended in the air—you don’t have to worry too much about inhaling them unless you are around someone who has the disease for more than 15 minutes.

You can get sick if you touch something that these droplets have fallen on and then touch your face. So that brings us to gloves.

Gloves

It doesn’t do you any good to wear gloves if you don’t take them off correctly. Here’s the right way in pictures. Photo by Room’s Studio

Gloves cut both ways. They can protect you from some forms of direct contact, but they can also encourage a false sense of security that reduces hand washing. Your gloves can also contact the infected droplets. If you touch your face while still wearing the gloves, you might as well not be wearing the gloves at all.

Then there’s the types of gloves. I saw someone walking their pet while wearing winter gloves. Cloth gloves can trap more of the infected droplets near your skin so you take them home with you. If you don’t immediately throw cloth gloves in the washer, you probably shouldn’t wear them at all.

Finally, there is an art to taking your gloves off. Be careful not to touch the outside of the glove to your skin. And wash your hands immediately, just in case.

These are scary times, but we can get through them if we think about what we’re doing, take care of each other, and work together.

Life Is Better with Clean Hands

This graphic provides a more detailed handwashing procedure. Infographic by Shutterstock

The CDC is rolling out a new program: “Life is Better with Clean Hands.” Photo source CDC

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-03-14.

We have all been washing our hands for a long time, but we may not have always washed them effectively. I’ve seen guys barely splash water on their hands, wipe their hands lightly on their shirt, and grab the door handle. That may actually be worse than not washing your hands at all because the damp hands may help germs grow and definitely helps them spread.

So, I wanted to see what the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recommends. It turns out CDC has specific guidance for both how and when we should wash up.

Proper Hand Washing

The CDC recommends five simple steps to wash your hands:

1. Wet your hands under clean, running water. It can be warm or cold. For me, the hotter it is, the better. 
2. Apply soap and lather. Get all of your hands—between the fingers, under the nails, the backs of your hands, around your thumbs, and all around your wrists. 
3. Scrub thoroughly. The CDC suggests humming “Happy Birthday” twice to make sure you scrub for at least 20 seconds. 
4. Rinse your hands well, again with clean, running water. 
5. Dry your hands completely with a clean towel or air dryer.

What About Sanitizers?

If you don’t have access to clean, running water, soap, and towels, hand sanitizers are better than nothing, but they are not as effective as simply cleaning your hands. Sanitizers don’t kill all kinds of germs. They are much less effective when your hands are really dirty or greasy, and they don’t remove harmful chemicals that can get on your hands as part of daily life.

When to Wash

We all know you should wash up before you start preparing food. But the CDC also recommends washing up several times while you’re cooking, like after touching raw meat or when changing the types of food you’re working with.

You should also wash up:

• After using the bathroom (and before if you’re a mechanic) 
• Before meals 
• After caring for someone who is sick 
• Before and after treating a cut, wound, or burn 
• After blowing your nose, sneezing, or coughing 
• After touching an animal, its food, or its waste 
• After touching garbage

Changing Hands and Habits

Of course, none of this matters if you still hold the menu in both hands. Photo by Suna

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-03-10.

Dance, dance the shaking of the sheets

Dance, dance when you hear the piper

Playing, everyone must dance

The shaking of the sheets with me

— Traditional

As our President proved by touching his face almost immediately after claiming he hadn’t done so in months, not touching your face is almost impossible. But since that is one of the main ways we get several viruses, the CDC recommends we don’t do it.

I tried to not touch my face. I couldn’t do it. As one comedian put it, “How else do you know it’s still there?”

So, I’m working on a new habit to help protect myself from viruses like COVID-19. I try to open doors, shake hands, and similar tasks only with my right hand. I try to use only my left hand to wipe my eyes, scratch my nose, or clean my beard. Since our culture always shakes right hands, no matter which is your dominant hand, I suggest using this division of labor even if you are left-handed.

A habit is a set of behaviors we do so often we don’t have to think about them. It consists of a stimulus, a response, and a reward. In the case of an itchy nose, the itch is the stimulus, the response is to scratch, and the reward is relief. To change this habit, we just have to narrow the response to using our left hand to scratch and reinforce the reward by telling ourselves that we’ve done well when we make the switch.

It takes time to change habits. I’ll be working on this change for a while.

Let’s All Stay Healthy

Washing your hands in warm, soapy water is the single most effective thing you can do to stay healthier. Photo source: Shutterstock

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-03-03.

Don’t let us get sick

Don’t let us get old

Don’t let us get stupid, all right?

—Warren Zevon

On Monday, 24 February, the CDC made a startling if not unexpected announcement. The global efforts to contain the N. Corona Virus - now officially called COVID-19 (C-19) are doomed to failure. So are the CDC’s efforts to keep C-19 out of the U.S. It is not a question of if C-19 will spread, “it’s more a question of when this will happen and a question of how many people will have severe illness.”

In October 2019, Johns Hopkins gamed out a global pandemic. Ironically, they chose a corona virus, not C-19 since this was a simulation and C-19 had not even been identified yet. Unfortunately, it showed 77% of countries were not able to collect real-time data on the spread of the disease, which means the reported number of cases is probably much lower than the number of actual cases. The good news is that the US ranked the most prepared. Not well prepared but better than anyone else.

C-19 is in the same family of viruses as the common cold. So, we already have some pretty effective ways of dealing with it. 

Older people, the very young, and those with immune systems compromised by other factors are the most at risk. But as with cold and flu, you might get C-19 and your symptoms could be so mild you don’t even know you’re sick.

Photo source: Amazon

Don’t Panic

While C-19 spreads around the world and could play havoc with the global economy, it is not a monster virus like the one in Stephen King’s epic The Stand. Its more lethal than a typical flu outbreak, but it does not seem to spread as easily. In fact, given recent cases of “community spread,” many otherwise healthy people may not even know they have contracted C-19. Many others may think they have the flu and either wait it out or ignore it.

• The leaders in our community already have plans. Robert Kirkpatrick, the Milam County Director of Public Health Preparedness is already working with state health officials and the CDC to monitor and coordinate efforts.
• Suna covered what our Health Department is doing in the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog post of 20 February. School officials in Milam County and around the country are developing plans to deal with students testing positive for C-19.
• I have a long-standing policy of sending sick people home. Both Hearts, Homes, and Hands and Hermits’ Rest Enterprises follow this policy. We don’t want people having to make the choice of going to work sick or putting food on the table. We all know where that decision will fall. 

You don’t have to go to this extreme to protect yourself from getting sick. Besides, the guy’s beard total breaks the respirator seal. Photo by Monkey Business Images
Shutterstock

What Should We Do?

While we shouldn’t panic, we need to approach this disease with open eyes. It might be comforting to hear that C-19 will be controlled by warmer weather in the Spring, as is the case with the flu and other corona viruses, but we don’t know that for sure. People still get colds and the flu in the summer, just not so frequently.

Here are a few things you can do to stay healthier:

• Avoid contact with sick people. Most of us can’t isolate ourselves and avoid any potential contact with potentially infected individuals, much as we might wish to. But we can try to avoid people who are obviously sick
• Wash your hands with soap and warm water for 25 seconds at least twice a day and always before eating. The CDC says this is the most effective thing you can do to avoid getting sick from just about any cause. 
• Avoid touching your mouth, nose, and eyes. These viruses spread thrive in the fluids produced in your mouth, nose, and eyes. They have evolved to irritate these parts of your body, making them water and facilitating virus transmission. 
• If you run a business, have a plan to limit the spread C-19 (or the flu) through your workforce. Can your employees work from home? Will you pay them? Where will you get replacement workers?

All My Rowdy Friends Have Fallen Down

Falls are the leading cause of injury, especially hip injuries, in American elders. Managing our environment can go a long way to reducing the likelihood we will fall and hurt ourselves. Photo source: Shutterstock

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald and Thorndale Tribune on 2020-01-30 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-01-31.

And the hangovers hurt more then they used to

And corn bread and ice tea took the place

Of pills and ninety-proof,

And it seems like none of us do things quite like we used to do

— Hank Williams Jr.

My balance is not what it used to be. In fact, I’m a little envious of my friends in their seventies who still ride their motorcycles. I had to give mine up a few years ago after an ear infection left my balance just enough off that I had to think about every reaction. When you’re flying around at seventy miles an hour with nothing between you and eternity but your leathers, having to think about your actions means you are too damned slow. Well, I am anyway. I don’t want to lay down a bike. I don’t even want to fall out of bed!

As we get older, we tend to fall more. And as Hank Williams Jr. Says about hangovers, falls hurt more than they used to. The more falls hurt, the more wary I become of falling. I’m not just being overly cautious or paranoid. According to American Family Physician, “Falls are the leading cause of injury-related visits to emergency departments in the United States and the primary etiology of accidental deaths in persons over the age of 65 years.”

Some reasons we fall include balance issues (don’t I know it!), environmental hazards (like pets, kids, or clutter), illness, medications or alcohol, vertigo, and vision problems.

If falls are so painful and dangerous, what can we do to avoid them? Of the listed causes, about the only categories we have any real control over are medications, alcohol, and environmental hazards.

We often think we don’t have control over the medications we take, but we really do. Medications are supposed to make us healthier. If your medications make you more likely to fall, dizzy, drowsy, or just less alert, discuss that fact with your doctor. Doctors usually have options—various medication or combinations of medications—that get to the same result. Each person’s body is different and reacts to medications differently. It may take several attempts to figure out what works best for your body.

A glass of wine among friends is a good thing, but I’ve had to become more aware of how it affects my balance as I get older. Please enjoy safely.

Alcohol bridges the gap between medications and environmental factors. To paraphrase Hank again, “All my rowdy friends have fallen down.” I’m leaving alcohol in the environment and out of my body more often than I used to. I’ll still have a drink with dinner now and then, but that’s about the extent of it these days.

That leaves the environment. To help some elder tenants be safer, Hermits’ Rest Enterprises recently installed grab rails in a bathtub and around toilets. My nephew applied non-skid tape to a slick bathtub. I’m thinking about building sidewalks between my house and garage to avoid uneven spots in the yard. And though it hurts my pride, I’m even considering a stair chair. Those stairs are getting longer and steeper every day—especially when I first wake up and haven’t had my coffee yet.

Hearts Homes and Hands may not be able to do the handiwork needed to make your environment safer, but we can help you assess the risk of falling and recommend solutions. We can help with decluttering and keeping your environment cleaner, healthier, and safer.

Taking Care of Parents and Retiring at the Same Time

This post originally appeared in the Cameron Herald on 2020-01-16.

Many people my age are trying to figure out how to care for aging parents with retirement staring them in the face. Some of us have already dealt with those issues. Some have it all sorted. Some don’t know where to start.

As this column goes along, I’ll talk more about helping elder parents—or ourselves—stay at home longer and remain more independent while doing so. Today, I just want to introduce myself and say a word or two about my new company, Hearts, Homes, and Hands.

As you can tell from the byline, my name is Ernest Lee Bruns. I’m a junior. I chose to retire from the corporate world several years ago when I was caring for my father, who was in the last stages of cancer.

Dad taught me a lot about perseverance and tenacity. He always said, “Don’t let that old rockin’ chair get you.” He didn’t. He planted and cared for forty acres of corn the year he died. He was 92 years old, and this was his second bought with cancer. When he was in the hospital for the last time, he was more worried about his corn than anything else. The first thing he asked when he came out from his final round of chemo was about the yield.

When the doctors allowed him to go home to die, my nephew Chris and I knew we had more on our hands than we could handle and still do this wonderful man justice—even with the help of hospice and home health. Chris hired a personal assistance service to help with bathing and other needs.

I’m proud to say Dad died at home, surrounded by people who loved him and cared for him. He could look out his bedroom window and see the house where he was born 92 years before.

When Sue Ann and I started planning how we would wind down our final years without putting an undue burden on the kids, we were surprised to find out there wasn’t a state licensed and insured personal assistance service (PAS) around. From where we live, the closest ones were in Bryan/College Station or Temple. Standard has the home health and hospice support covered, but if we needed help staying at home—help with housekeeping, running errands, cooking, bathing, and so on—we’d either have to ask the kids to give up part of their lives or hire someone privately.

When you hire individuals, you’re responsible for their unemployment insurance, for their medical bills if they get hurt in your service, and for finding a replacement if they fail to show up. None of this is something we wanted to do while we were struggling to take care of ourselves or each other. You have enough on your mind at that point without worrying about finding someone to help your loved one get to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

We called my niece Kathleen to see if she wanted to help us start a PAS. She had been the administrator of the PAS Chris hired to help take care of Dad and had more than a decade of experience running a successful PAS in Victoria. She and Chris fell in love and got married the year after Dad died, but that’s another story. She came up to Cameron; we came to agreement; and Hearts, Homes, and Hands was born.

Hearts, Homes, and Hands is licensed and regulated by the state of Texas. We are responsible for providing the care you need. We’ll be there for you, even if the person originally scheduled has a “family emergency” or something and can’t show up. We cover their workers’ compensation and unemployment insurance if they get hurt and do everything necessary to ensure your peace of mind—at least with regard to caring for yourself or a loved one.

And the bottom line is this: I’m not just an owner of the company, I’m a client. We take care of you like we take care of our own—in this case, Sue Ann and me.

We Make News!

Okay. I admit it. This publication is part of our advertising package. But Still! Photo source: Cameron Herald

This post originally appeared on the Hermit Haus Redevelopment website on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2020-01-18.

It’s a steady job

But he wants to be a paperback writer

— John Lennon and Paul McCartney

This is more of a personal note than a business update. My first column on aging appeared in the 2020-01-16 edition of the Cameron Herald. This is a big deal for me because it marks the first time I have been published by a third party since a couple of my short-shorts appeared in Six Sentences. Before that, everything I’ve written was owned and distributed by my corporate overlords.

Happiness abounds!

Sarita Is Sold and Closed!

There are lots of ways to get free advertising. Doing a great job like Dana Wissink, the Realtor® who handled the transaction for us, is the most reliable way.

My mom always said, “Everything always works out for the best.” Even the flooded pasture I used for the background of this meme.

This post originally appeared on the Hermit Haus Redevelopment website on 2019-12-05 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2019-12-04.

We have learned a lot from the Sarita project. It feels like almost everything that could have gone wrong did…but that’s not really how it was. We had one major pain in the ass, and that was the buyer’s lender. Even the buyer’s agent said she will never use that lender again. Here is a brief rundown of what we learned.

You never know where you’ll find a deal.

I never expected to find a good deal on a property in my own family, but my brother and his wife just wanted out from under a house they could no longer maintain.

People first.

We ended up making a little money outright for handling the sale and taking over the debt, but most of the profits are going into a fund to help take care of my brother and sister-in-law going forward. As I said, they would have been happy to let us take it all, but that’s not how we roll. They actually objected to taking a promissory note to cover their future care, but we insisted on taking care of them.

You need a local team.

Redevelopment is a team sport. You can’t do it all yourself. You need good contractors, which we didn’t have in the Brazosport area.

Since this house is well outside our area of operations, we decided on the prehab exit strategy. We cleaned up the house and maintained the laws to keep the HOA happy. But we did not go looking for contractors. Instead, we offered the house at a substantial discount to its after repair value (ARV).

We offered the listing to an old Realtor friend, but she had also moved out of the area. (I may have mentioned, I grew up there but left as soon as I could.) While we were trying to find a Realtor, we were approached by an investor who found the house while driving for dollars. We couldn’t find a place where the numbers worked for both of us, but we did list the house with her. She turned out to be a great person to work with, and I hope we can do stuff together in the future.

There is a new type of FHA loan.

FHA now offers a loan—the FHA 203(k) Rehab—for homeowners wanting to renovate, either to make the home more affordable or to participate in a homestead flip. I don’t believe the loan is available for investors since it is an FHA vehicle.

Because FHA allows for up to 100% financing, FHA lenders are notoriously hard to deal with. So, we usually don’t accept offers with FHA financing, but we were intrigued with helping someone obtain a family home for renovation, instead of just turning the project over to another investor.

It’s not closed until it’s closed.

We learned that this type of financing doesn’t make the FHA any easier to deal with. In fact, the lender arbitrarily delayed closing now fewer than five times. One of these times caused me to miss a trip to Hilton Head we had planned for more than a year. The next one, move closing out of that trip window and came the day after going on the trip became impossible for me to arrange.

They also refused to authorize closing until seconds before it was schedule for the penultimate time, knowing I had to travel four hours to close. We thanked them very much, and I drove down the next day anyway.

Okay. We’ve already talked about most of that, but it never hurts to go over lessons learned. And as of now, the deal is done. The money is in the bank. We have helped a homeowner get a (soon-to-be very) nice home. We have helped and can continue to help my brother’s family. And we have additional resources to start hiring staff to help others stay in their homes.

Up- or Down-: -Sizing, That Is

A Del Webb survey found a smaller percentage of people approaching retirement plan to downsize than previous surveys.

This post originally appeared on the Hermit Haus Redevelopment website on 2019-12-03

And Home

Sings me of sweet things

My life there has it's own wings

To fly over the mountains

Though I'm standing still

— Karla Bonoff

Will your retirement home be smaller or larger than your current home?

The last of my generation—technically (I’m a Baby Boomer, although I often feel closer to Generation X)—is approaching that magical time, retirement. It is a goal many of us have been planning and working a long time to achieve. Others of us never thought we would or planned to “work until I die.” I was in that last camp, so I found more work to do once I “retired.”

One constant throughout our lives, however, is the need for housing. Babies, teenagers, young adults, middle-agers, retirees, and elders all need a place to live. A traditional strategy of the nuclear family has been to downsize their homes at retirement, but a growing number of retirees are upsizing now instead. Del Webb of Sun City (which my naughty fingers always want to spell with two I’s) recently conducted a survey of people in their 50s and 60s who plan to move again sometime. Bucking recent trends, 43% said they plan to move into a house of similar size to their current one while 22% said they planned to upsize.

Before I go on, a couple of caveats. A single survey should never be used as a market indicator. I also suspect that Del Webb’s choice of a sample population may have significantly influenced their results. Del Webb markets to very affluent retirees. If their sample was exclusively from their target audience, it would be like using the population of Clute, Texas to predict the results of the next election cycle. There probably isn’t enough diversity to represent the general population.

That said, let’s look at some reasons why people might choose to up- or down-size.

Downsizing

A good view can be an important consideration in selecting a retirement home, regardless of up- or down-sizing. Photo by Suna

Using the equity in your existing home

For many people, the equity accumulated in their homes is their retirement plan. That’s why home equity loans used for anything other than home improvement is a bad debt. When people look to downsize in retirement, they often use their home equity to pay cash for a smaller home and the rest to maintain their lifestyle in retirement.

Maintenance

Smaller homes are cheaper and easier to maintain than bigger ones. The costs of everything from painting to flooring to a new roof are proportional to the number of square feet in the home. And there is simply less to sweep, dust, and mop, giving you more time to enjoy your retirement—unless you look forward to those chores. Then maybe you should upsize.

Upsizing

Moving to a less expensive area

If you’re moving from NYC to Florida, LA to Houston, or Austin to Cameron, you can buy more house for the same price in your new city. While tax laws don’t currently encourage or discourage this behavior, having the ability to buy a bigger house can be its own excuse.

Room for visitors

Many retirees hope their children and friends will spend time with them. Some even move to resort areas to encourage visits. If so, you’ll need a place to put those folks, and a bigger home can be just the ticket.

I wish everyone could be as independent and active as my dad. In this picture he is experimenting with a new grass varietal for his cattle. He is 88 and undergoing treatment for the cancer that would eventually claim him.

Parents

Many boomers and Gen-X’ers have parents to take care of. This move toward a more traditional extended family is awesome. My mom and dad lived in their own house until they died. They refused any offer of cohabitation until near the end. But not all of our parents have the means or the health to maintain their independence so long. I firmly believe we should help our elders stay at home or move in with us—whatever they choose.

Parents

Helping elders stay independent at home is why Sue Ann, Kathleen, and I co-founded Hearts, Homes, and Hands to provide non-medical personal assistance. Suna and I will eventually be clients as well as principals of that company. Our goal is to provide the services and care our clients want and to uphold the inherent worth and dignity of all our elders.

Aging: Denial, Acceptance, and Heroism

Dad never did let that rockin’ chair get him. Here he is stretching fence at 90.

This post originally appeared on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands blog on 2019-11-27.

So buy him a drink and lend him an ear

He's nobody's fool and the only one here

Who remembers the smell of the black powder smoke

And the stand in the street at the turn of a joke

— Guy Clark

There is a perception that getting older means we are somehow less than we were when we were younger. The memories and stories of our elders get discounted as ramblings, the lessons they could teach lost to many younger listeners.

While we eventually reach the point where we need help, a long life is an accomplishment, something to be proud of. Perhaps that’s why people go to great lengths to deny their true age. For example, Suna’s father cared for an elder woman who claimed to be 104. When she died, it came out that she was really 108, but she felt it was important to she maintain the fiction of being younger than she was.

And my dentist is the same age I am, almost to the day. But I sometimes have trouble taking him seriously. His hair is the color of shoe polish, and he has obviously had “work done” on his face—probably a combination of face lifts and Botox®. According to MedicalNewsToday, “Botox is a neurotoxin … used to reduce fine lines and wrinkles by paralyzing the underlying muscles.” Why anyone would poison themselves in a failed attempt to look younger is a mystery to me. And it undermines his credibility as a health advisor. But he is an excellent oral surgeon, and I keep reminding myself of that fact.

When we get older, we get older. I’m eternally grateful to my parents for instilling this sense of realism in me. I am the youngest of six. My mom was 36 when I was born. So, by the time I was in high school, they were looking seriously at retirement. Our kitchen table was lined with forged trivets conveying such messages as, “Don’t regret growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.”

Admittedly, I thought this aging advice was embarrassing at seventeen. But I still remember it in my sixties. Maybe that’s why I feel accepting of my own aging. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Even without denying our aging, we can still take steps to prolong our health and independence. My dad worked hard his whole life. He always advised me, “Don’t let that rockin’ chair get you.” The Spring before he died at 92, he planted 40+ acres of corn. His last hospitalization came at harvest, and he was more concerned about the harvest and yield than his own treatment. He knew he was dying and accepted it. So, he focused on what mattered to him.

This grandma fought off a home invader by herself! Not all of us have the ability or the confidence to do that. Photo by ABC News

This morning, I learned of an inspirational woman on the news. At 82, Willie Murphy beat a home invader badly enough to put him in the hospital. When the cops showed up, they took selfies with her. She said, “He picked the wrong house to break into.” Amen, sister! “I think he was happy when he went in the ambulance.”

Not all of us are body builders, but we can all do something. My neighbor across the road walked three miles a day—every day—well into her eighties. When she succumbed to cancer, she went down fighting, but she went down with grace.

All of us face challenges every day. These basically fall into two categories: those that are within our sphere of control and those that are not. All I can hope is that I continue to work on thing things I can change and accept those I can’t. I hope I’m never too proud to accept help when I need it.

If you find you need help with some of the things you used to be able to do, Hearts, Homes, and Hands is here to provide that help.

Sponsorships Available

If you do business in the Cameron area, here's a chance to do good and spread the word about your business at the same time. Image by: Cameron Rotary Club

This post originally appeared on the Hermit Haus Redevelopment website on 2019-11-06 and on the Hearts, Homes, and Hands website on 2019-11-06.

Every year, the Cameron Rotary Club hosts a casino night fund raiser. Last year, the Rotary Club raised about $8-thousand for various charities and scholarships.

This fiscal year, Casino Night is 18 January 2020.

Why am I talking about this so early?

Now is the time for the corporate sponsors to sign up. Each year, Hermit Haus parent company Hermits’ Rest Enterprises, which is based in Cameron, sponsors the activity. Hermits’ Rest Enterprises will be joined by its sister company Heart, Homes, and Hands this year.

If you would like to sponsor this fun fundraiser, you can contact me or any other Cameron Rotarian.

What do companies get out of it?

Well, that depends on sponsorship level.

Level	Donation	Tickets	Recognition
Individual	$50	-	Thank you!
Silver	$150	1	Looping slide at the event Show advertisement
Gold	$300	2	Table sponsorship Looping slide at the event Show advertisement

What do individuals ticket holders get?

Each $20 ticket (you can get those from me, too.) entitles you to:

• A night of fun at the charity casino with slot machines and other games
• Dinner
• Drinks—and we are talking adult beverages here

For more information:

• Here is the Rotary Club’s page. You can buy tickets online from the page.
• And here is the Chamber of Commerce’s page on last year’s event. Note the significant drop in the cost of tickets.