Circle Game

And the seasons go ’round and ’round

And the painted ponies go up and down

We’re captive on a carousel of time

…

And go ’round and ’round and ’round in a circle game

—Joni Mitchell

This is the time of year to reflect on what has happened. What, if anything, have I learned from my experiences this year?

• Life can be very painful. Even the good times can hurt.
• Things never go like you want them to. Even things you do to avoid hurting others (or, at least, minimize the damage), can end up hurting them more.
• It’s better to get things out in the open. If something disturbs the harmony of the house, delaying the disturbance does not make it go away. Cleanse the wound quickly before it festers.

Of course, I already knew all of these things. So that brings up my final ovservation:

• Even though you know something, your mind can still trick you into repeating the mistake through optimism. I knew that, too.

So, what would I change about the last year? Not really anything. I have always believed that even the icky parts of life shape who we are. We need pain to appreciate its absence. We need joy to survive the pain. The Wheel of Fortune is the most beautiful card in the deck. I still try to cherish all of my experiences—even those that hurt.

Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions are promise made to yourself, usually without the wherewithal or sometimes even the intention of keeping them. Here are mine for the upcoming year:

• To do my best to be happy and help others be happy
• To achieve a balance between work and life
• To work on making a charitable reaction to any stimulus my first one

These were written by columnist Lynn Ashby. I like them:

• In the coming year I shall never read any newspaper story that contains the names Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, or Karl Rove unless followed by “was indicted.”
• Not to watch a TV channel that only tells me what I want to hear, that whatever the problem, it is someone else’s fault. I must think outside the Fox. (I wish everyone would try this one.)

Bird on a Wire

This owl danced for us as we walked back to Dad’s house.

Like a bird on a wire,

Like a drunk in a midnight choir,

I have tried in my way to be free.

—Leonard Cohen

Once we got moving, things went much better. The trip down to Dad’s was smooth sailing. Traffic was light, and we made really good time. We got there before noon in spite of not getting up until after I had planned on leaving. On the way down, we passed some interesting sights:

• A Christmas tree made out of old tires—painted gold and decorated
• Christmas tree made out of round bales—painted green and decorated
• Kids out playing on the street with their new toys

Dad watches the Cowboys lose.

Dad was in good health and spirits. He seemed really glad to see us and expressed how much he really likes Suna. We ate lunch at Aunt Di’s. Dad and Suna cleaned their plates. I couldn’t finish my usual order, and that is a good sign that I’m continuing to change my eating habits.

Back at the farm, we watched the Cowboys play poorly and lose. We went for a walk back to the stock tank. Once you get used to the emptiness of the countryside, you start to notice the biodiversity that is recovering now that more farms are retuning to grazing and pesticide use is declining. We saw lots of birds and got covered in floating spider webs.

AppraiserMan built a deer stand right on the property line. He and his son were watching the deer in distant field, but the animals were too comfortable where they were to come any nearer. He said that a few days before he had sighted some wild hogs walking right up to the stand. But when they got to where he had a clear shot, they scented him and ran. Too bad. They do a lot of damage to the habitat.

This is a good spot.

Photo by Suna

I had a really good time fantasizing about where I would site a house. But I will probably never build there. The local flora keep my sinuses in an uproar most of the year. Even in the winter, my sinuses were burning and my eyes were watering by the time we got home.

Photo by: Suna

Motion blur by me not stopping completely

On the way back to the house, I noticed a big fire on the horizon. We kept checking in periodically as we walked back. It continued to grow until it was truly frightening. Dad said it was 20 or so miles away, and he is a pretty good judge of distance. He has spent most of his life on that farm. When we left, we verified the distance, just for our own comfort. It was at least a few miles south of Yorktown, which is nine miles from the farm.

On the way home, I took Suna by the Christmas light display that Cuero sets up in the city park every year. She was really impressed by the community effort (each display is designed and maintained by a local business, charity, or group of individuals) it takes to put on such a display (more than a mile of individual creations) in such a small town. My favorite remains the sea monster swimming toward the paddle wheel boat, both of which are set in the lake so their lights reflect in the water.

It seems that just getting out of the house and doing something really improved our mood. This is something to remember when we start getting grumpy.

Time Passages

Al Stewart wrote many of my favorite songs.

Photo Soucre: AlStewart.com

Hear the echoes and feel yourself starting to turn

Don’t know why you should feel that there’s something to learn

It’s just a game that you play

—Al Stewart

I am back-posting Friday’s Feast. It’s really 2 January as I write this, but I’m dating it for the right date. I would like to say that I was late because I was thinking really deep thoughts or carefully considering my answers, but that would not be honest.

Friday’s Feast

Appetizer: Name two things you would like to accomplish in 2008.

• Become solvent again
• Have a nice wedding

Soup: With which cartoon character do you share personality traits?

There used to be a character named Ernest. Not only do we share a name, we also share many personality traits. My favorite quote: “Imagine all these young bucks going around trying to re-invent the wheel. Don’t they realize I re-invented it years ago?”

Salad: What time of day (or night) were you born?

11:45 AM. Just in time for lunch. Explains my life-long struggle with weight.

Main Course: Tell us something special about your hometown.

It has one of the highest cancer mortality rates in the country. Lots of chemicals.

This is a picture of my home town taken last Thanksgiving.

Dessert: If you could receive a letter from anyone in the world, who would you want to get one from?

I thought about this one for a while before deciding on Al Stewart, my favorite song writer. He was too literate to have more than a couple of commercial hits, and even those were out of sync with what was going on in the music of the day. You may remember “Year of the Cat,” “On the Border,” or “Time Passages.”

And So This Is Christmas

Who could want more for Christmas
than a big pair of shiny balls. Photo by: Suna

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let’s hope it’s a good one

Without any fear

—John Lennon

Well, it is the best Christmas I can remember having for a long time—even if I did wake up at 04:30. I went into the media room and read until everybody else got up.

After yummy cinnamon rolls for breakfast, we opened our presents. The kids seemed pleased with the presents I got them, and I loved what they picked out for me. Beccano got me a “ My Little Cthulu” figure (like the one in the link, but red [orange]) with two little victims and an “I’m made of meat” T-shirt. TubaBoy got me a cool book that explains all of the new mystic crystals, manufactured and otherwise. Suna really out did herself. I don’t remember ever getting so many presents—not even when I was a kid. They were all little things that showed a lot of thought, which made them all better.

Big smiles are what it’s all about. Photo by: Suna

This was also the first Christmas I remember where all of the clothing I got was in the right size. X2’s parents used to buy my clothing gifts in her size, while mine bought her clothing gifts in my size. It was funny, if occasionally stressful.

Now that I know how we do Christmas in this family, I’ll do better next year.

Grateful Monday on Tuesday, Again

So thank you all: Suna, Beccano, and TubaBoy. This has been a great year because of all of you. I am so grateful that I found you all.

Nostradamus

Ah, the more it changes, the more it stays the same

And the Hand just rearranges the players in the game

—Al Stewart

Do parallel universes line up in a series of infinite minute variations?

Original Painting ©1997 by Slawek Wojtowicz

So last night, I visited the parallel universe where X2 and I split long before I met Suna. In that place, we had never left the coast, and I was still earning my living through manual labor. I think I was still working at the Rice Factory. I know my boss at the Rice Factory, Old Easy, was in the dream and much older than he had been when I knew him.

(This was the second time people from that place—and Old Easy in particular—have appeared in my dreams recently. In both, they were older than when I knew them and their personalities had aged, too. That’s what makes me think I am slipping through to a parallel universe.)

It was interesting to note that X2 and I had the same problems as we had in this universe and the same results. The only difference was that I was alone, too. It was a much sadder place for me—not only because I was alone, but also because I knew I had wasted a lot of potential by staying on the coast.

This dream started me wondering. How much are we shaped by our experiences? How much do we shape our experiences? And how much do we simply shape our perception of our experiences?

Without everything that has gone before, would I still be me?

Photo by: Suna

Grateful Monday

So that brings us to this week’s Grateful Monday. I am grateful for everything that has happened to me in this universe. Things could have turned out much worse. I still feel that I have wasted a lot of potential and that I should have done more to help other people. I fantasize about joining the Peace Corps or something like it when I retire, but …

But even the icky stuff in life shapes us and makes us better people. So I am grateful for all the good times I’ve had—and for all the bad times, too. I hope I am continuing to grow and become a better person than I was.

I’ve Got a Light

I’ve got a light and it shines in me

It shines in the eyes of a little baby

—Joyce Poley

Today was the pre-Christmas service where the adult choir backed the children’s choir. I played guitar.

The kids sang pretty well, too. You can see Suna in the background. I am well hidden.

Photo by: TubaBoy

For the most part, the children was hilarious. I won’t talk about Spoiled Brat, who tried to untie the backdrop. There were enough problems with props without her help, thank you. For one thing, the Star broke in rehearsal. I think they got it taped back together for the service.

Suna read a really cute story about the tallest boy in first grade. Beccano became a last minute donkey. All the kids—even SB—were extraordinarily cute.

All in all, the event came off well. There were laughter and tears in the audience as they watch the little ones sing and cavort. The music sounded good from the back of the stage where I hid with my guitar. And watching the little ones having fun and still being so serious was touching.

Don’t tell any one, but I think I’m actually looking forward to next year’s pageant.

Deck the Halls

Happy Suna celebrates yule.

Don we now our gay apparel,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Troll the ancient Yule tide carol,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

—Traditional

Tonight we celebrated our first Yule as a new family. Suna describes what we did really well. I just wanted to add that it was touching. I hope we can all fulfill our goals for the year ahead. I am focusing on balance.

Yule Party

I work my job all the way to the weekend

Call all my buddies, ask where you been

Let’s get together somewhere, seven o’clock

Wanna pop a top, pop a top

Wann go, wanna roll, wanna rock it

—Phil Vassar

Cosmopolitans are yummy.

Photo Source: Swank Martini Company

Today was the last working day before the Holiday Break at ALE. After work, Suna and I went to a non-ALE event at a former co-worker’s house. It turns out that she is a neighbor and only lives a few blocks away.

It was a really pleasant time, thanks in part to the fact that she makes really excellent Cosmopolitans. I never got her exact recipe, but she told me later that she doubled the alcohol in one of the standard recipes.

There were a lot of old friends whom I had not seen in a while. There were also a couple of people with whom I keep in contact, as much as The Hermit keeps in contact with anyone. And I met another German person whom I had only heard about before—actually I think she is authentic instead of descended like me.

The excitement of the party came when the firetrucks, ambulance, and police flew past. Something had happened several houses down, but we never did find out what. Suna was just relieved that it was next door to one of Beccano’s teachers, not there. When we cleared out (a little later than the party was scheduled to dissolve, only one fire truck remained.

Friday’s Feast

The official Friday’s Feast was off for the holidays, but Sam made up her own:

Appetizer: What is your first thought upon waking in the morning?

I don’t usually have a thought first think in the morning. After grumph, my initial inclination is to reach for Suna. Then I realize how badly I have to pee.

Salad: Of all of the “alternative” therapies available, which is the one you have most trouble believing actually works?

Hmmm…all of them? I don’t put much stock in mainstream therapies either. Good health comes from the balance of mind, body, and soul. Anything that fails to address all three is suspect in my book.

The current cover of my favorite mag.

Photo Source: Shop Notes

Main Course: Name something that you never told your childhood friends because, at the time, you were totally embarrassed about but now are not so afraid of.

I know this sounds like the W defense, but I really can’t think of anything. I find hiding things to be more trouble than it’s worth. I may not always volunteer information, but I have tried to live transparently. When I peed my pants, I didn’t tell everyone, but I didn’t do a Nixon either. If you want to know something about me, ask.

Dessert: If you could subscribe to one magazine and only one, what would it be? (It can be out of print if you need it to be.) And do you subscribe to it now?

The only magazine to which I currently subscribe is Science News, and it is a leftover I will renew because Suna likes it. I also like to read the subscriber-only articles on the web. I’m not a magazine person.

That said, the magazine I really want to subscribe to is Shop Notes.

It’s Still rock and Roll to Me

This is the guitar I chose to play for the choir. I usually dress better than this in public.

Photo by: Suna

It’s the next phase, new wave, dance craze, anyways

It’s still rock and roll to me

—Billy Joel

This post is an update on the music scene at The Hermitage. Suna and I participated in two separate rehearsals over the past two nights.

Trey Bone

As you already know, I am now the semi-official guitarist in residence for Trey Bone—the vocal trio that Suna and some of her friends have worked in for almost a decade. I love their harmonies and try not to detract too much from the sound.

I am not really confident in my singing right now because my voice seems to be changing again. And since their harmonies are so tight, there usually isn’t a note left in my range. All this means that I’m not even trying to sing with them. I think they are probably relieved, even if they would not admit it.

So we practiced Tuesday night, and we sounded really good. We are even talking about trying to land a couple of gigs other than the annual freeze out at the race track.

Choir

Last night was the final rehearsal for the Christmas pageant. This year, the Christmas service features the children’s choir, with the adults backing them. I am also playing guitar for this one because only one of the pieces has an official tenor part, and they all have guitar chords above the piano part. Most of the tunes are really easy, and I would be able to memorize them if we had a couple more practices.

After the rehearsal, we had a baby shower for Cute Young Couple, the newest members of the choir.

Survival

Today was the day my nephew-in-law, who is older than I am by a couple of years, went under the knife for prostate cancer. I spoke to my niece, Sweetness, on the phone while he was still under, and she called me back after he was in recovery. The surgery lasted almost seven hours, but the prognosis is good—and that is all that matters.

He should be able to go home by Wednesday, which is the same day the test results will tell us if the doctors got all of the cancer. If not, they can probably wipe out the rest with radiation. But I am hopeful that he won’t have to deal with that.

Grateful Monday

So that is what I am grateful for: good results in bad situations. I am grateful for Sweetness, who deserves so much better than life has dealt her.

Sweetness, I love you. I meant it when I said don’t forget to take care of yourself over the next few weeks. You promised, and I’m holding you to it.

PS. No picture and no poetry today. Nothing seemed appropriate.

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Friday Update: The surgery was successful. The labs showed that they got all of the cancer, and he can return to work without chemotherapy or radiation.