It is officially Mosquito Season in Central Texas. The pests have taken over our back yard to the point where you can’t venture outside without drenching yourself in Cutter.
Every time I water the plants, I go armed with a can of flying insect killer. I kill a few in various parts of the back yard, but I kill dozens as they swarm around the back door as if they heard a call to dinner.
Now the mosquito problem here is nothing compared to where I grew up. There:
- Most counties have a branch of government devoted to mosquito control.
- I have seen a sliding glass door become opaque with thousands of these tiny vampires trying to get into the house.
- After a hurricane or tropical storm, salt grass mosquito populations expand enough that you can occasionally read about them killing livestock.
Other than further their parasitic existence by slurping blood from you and yours, what do mosquitoes (Why do we insist on adding an e to a very nice Spanish plural noun? It not like we are comparing these miniature demons to potatoes.) do? They serve no useful purpose but spread numerous diseases:
- Canine heart worms
- Encephalitis of various forms
- Malaria, yellow fever, dengue fever, and a host of other “tropical ailments”
I thought it might be fun to list a few of the amusing ways I have killed mosquitoes this week:
- Today, I got a twofer—that is, I killed two mosquitoes that were biting my arm with one slap. I think that rates a prize of some kind.
- I got one with hair spray while getting ready for work.
- I got one in the shower with a glob of conditioner.
- Twice this week, I found a mosquito hiding in the toilet bowl. You guessed it. I peed ’em down. That takes good aim!
So: what is the most inventive way you have killed a mosquito (or other flying parasite)? Leave a comment and let me know.