Thursday, April 05, 2007

Fin et Finis

Image Source: Saraphina Mosey

Sometimes it’s hard to know what to write and when. Sometimes I just have to let enough time pass before I can write at all. Sometimes I have to process things before I can share them. I can’t really use my writing to process my emotions; I must process them before I can write them.

So what brings about this thread?

Monday I was having a really nice day. Then X2B called me and said she was missing a piece of jewelry that had lain in the house for weeks. She asked me if I had it. I said I didn’t. She asked me if anyone I knew had it. I said no one I knew had it. She then asked me if Suna had it. I said no. She then said,“I would really hate to find out that she was wearing it.”

That was more than I could stand. It is one thing for her to dinegrate my ethics; attacking Suna’s is quite another. I slammed down the phone in an instinctive action before I remembered it was a cell phone. Of course, it locked up.

After I rebooted it, I called X2B back. I only had one sentence to say before I disconnected again. “After that last outburst, if you have anything else to ask me, ask my lawyer.” If I wanted to be insulted by her, I would have stayed married. I honestly don’t know if she confuses rudeness with power or if she simply has no idea how rude she can be.

Any way, that’s it. There will be no more communication on that front.


Suna said...

Here are a couple of things on this one:

1. Interesting how we are not twinsie in processing emotions. Writing is one primary way of processing emotions for me. I do a lot of throwing away of stuff, because of that. I have learned over the years to let things settle a bit, though. The other, as you have learned, is talking things through, as I did with my own STBX issue this week. After talking to you and the housemate, I was able to write more reasonably to him.

2. We are twinsie in the strength of our reactions when someone does anything that remotely resembles attacking the other. At least, in this case, you get to react directly. I have to be quiet and not say anything to her when that woman says or does unfair things to you. I just start ranting at you, because you're the person I can talk to. Like you need to hear me repeat what you already know!

3. It really boggles my mind that the first reaction to anything remotely amiss is to accuse you or me of doing something on purpose "to" her. I recall when I was going through my own divorce, we occasionally would mix up whose stuff was whose--we'd forget and leave something, or accidentally take something. A simple, "Hey, do you want Item X still? It's at my house" or "Hey, I can't find Item Y--is there any chance you may have it?" usually took care of the issue and did not insinuate that the other person or their new partner was stealing.

4. I dunno. I don't want anyone else's stuff. I have my own stuff, thanks. But, you have a right to share your own stuff with me if you want to.

Lee said...

No, we are not identical twins but twinsie enough. I am a good listener, but I am not much of a talker. I think that's why I became a writer. I need time to understand what I really mean. When I try to talk things out, I feel forced to choose a position and defend it too quickly. Then I am stuck with it. And since I can usually argue any side of an issue, I don't like getting stuck with a position that I really don't want to keep.

When something really bothers me, I need time to think about it before I talk about it. Otherwise, I can say things I don't really want to because the orator in me takes over.

Hope you can understand that. If I'm quiet, I'm not hiding something from you. I'm just figuring it out.

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