Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I Have SES

Another victim of sordiseuus

Photo source: Glassrope

Suna often makes fun of my ability to eat (or inability to eat neatly). “Poor Lee,” she says. “He can’t eat right.” At first, I thought it was funny. Then I realized that she isn’t the only one who thinks this way. All my life, people have commented on how I eat. I have come to realize that I have a serious eating disorder, namely sordiseuus—more commonly referred to as Sloppy Eater Syndrome (SES).

Stop laughing! I’m serious. I have SES. This is a difficult admission for me.

SES is a traumatic ailment with serious social and economic effects. Besides the embarrassment, there’s the cost of clothing for one. I can’t eat Mexican food without needing to replace a shirt. The chips break on the way to my mouth, inundating me with salsa. No, that’s not a cilantro cologne I’ve been wearing lately.

Then there’s pizza. Why do the slices always bend half-way to my mouth, dropping anchovies in my lap? I had a meatball sub the other day that squirted marinara. Luckily I was wearing my glasses or I might have been blinded.

Now I’m still looking for work, so I can’t get treatment under a medical plan. I’m not even sure if insurance would cover this disorder were I still at ALE. So, I am forced to humble myself and ask for help. For just a hundred dollars a day, you could help me overcome SES, preserve my health, and replace my stained shirts. Please send what you can.


Suna said...

I am so "neat" because if I ever feel food on my face, I napkin it. That is why I am the member of the family so crazed about napkins. Maybe your facial skin just isn't sensitive as others' skin and you just don't feel the large particles of food decorating it...but we all love you anyway. Who is without flaw? And this harmless, except to white shirts.

Dragonfly said...

I'm managing to finally keep my clothes generally clean but I can't eat popcorn without it all around my feet, my lunch is lucky there is a cafeteria tray and my keyboard has more coffee in it than I'd like to admit....

Post a Comment